Moving Forward

For those of you that follow my story, obviously you’ve noticed that it’s been a while since I’ve blogged. Sorry about that. I have just gotten so wrapped up in my routine that I just forgot to keep you updated. Well, hopefully I’ll catch you up today and stay up to date with my postings.


I didn’t hit the weight loss goal that I wanted to by October 16th, but I was pretty close. I did manage to lose 4 more inches though! I was very happy about that. I think my body is starting to adjust and get used to my workouts. My muscles haven’t felt as “worn out” the past couple of times. That just means I’m going to have to work harder; which is good because it also means I’m getting stronger and healthier. I’m still working on my mile pace.

My Color Run 5k is in 2 weeks! AHHH!! I am so very excited about it and anxious to see what time I end up with. The next 2 weeks are going to be FULL of workouts and running intervals! I’m just excited about that weekend in general. My team (No Excuses – Crystal, Erica, and Jenny) is making it a complete girls’ weekend. We are staying Friday and Saturday night and going to just do some fun stuff together. It is going to be a much needed weekend away for me! I absolutely cannot wait. Crystal actually has another 5k to do on Sunday at Furman with her work. I’ll be going with her to support her in that race as well.

I am still working on getting my eating habits in check. I am following some Paleo “restrictions” but not as much as I need to. I am going to be working on that in the coming weeks as well. I have actually had 2 people approach me recently about helping them to eat healthier. This is just a testament to me on how much my story and journey is reaching and affecting people. I know I say this about every time I blog, but I never thought how sharing my story would influence so many people. It completely amazes me. I hear stories from friends where people say something to them, people that I don’t even know! I am so very thankful for the lives that I am able to reach by sharing my thoughts, my struggles, and my successes. The whole reason I started sharing my story was to hopefully let someone out there know that they are not alone in their journey. I know that, at least for me, it helps to know that someone else has thought what you’ve thought or struggled the way you’re struggling. It also helps to know that the struggles are only temporary and success is on its way!

I have just been so blessed in my journey thus far. I may have failed to meet some of my goals and slipped along the way, but it’s all part of the process. It is inevitable to fail at some things. Life has an ultimate purpose and failure should not keep you from it. The important thing is to learn from it, pick yourself up, and keep going. My journey is not temporary. My journey is the rest of my life. I refuse to let failure rule the rest of my life, it has taken too much of my life already. I will be successful and I will achieve my goals! And you will reach your goals as well, just keep pushing forward. Push through the struggles, push through the rain, and push through the hurt. If you stumble, then take a minute to regain composure and continue along the way. Keep your eye on the little bit of sunshine you see ahead knowing that victory is just around the corner!

I’m not going back. I’m moving ahead. I’m here to declare to you. My past is over. In you, all things are made new. Surrender my life to Christ. I’m moving, moving forward!

Moving Forward – Hezekiah Walker

Schedules, Goals, and Diet

I must say I've had a pretty good week overall. Sunday I had a very long and productive phone conversation with my BFF and accountability partner, Jessica. She and I are both at the point where we needed to sit down and set some actual goals for ourselves. We haven't done this in a while, so it was well overdue! I have missed our Sunday evening chats about the week and out goals for the week to come. We talked about alot and set some of our goals in motion. Right now we're concentrating on short-term goals (things to accomplish before Christmas).

My first goal is for my 5k in November. I want to be around the 60 minute mark at the finish line. I finished my last 5k in 69:40. It's going to take some work, but I know I can do it. I have been using my Core 24 membership to work on that. I've gone a couple of times this week and just done a treadmill workout. For a 15 minute mile, I have to average a 4.0 mph pace. The past 2 times I went to the gym, I hit 3.0 and 3.5 mph. I didn't stay there long, but it let me know what that pace felt like. I think I am going to have to start running intervals again. I have't done that in a while, but I know it will get me to where I need to be. I just don't think I can power walk 4.0 mph the whole time, but I know I can do some intervals. So that's next on my list at the gym.

Some other goals involve a weight that I want to be at before October 16th. I'm still not ready to share those numbers here yet, but I'll let you know when I accomplish that goal! :) I have another goal to workout 6 times per week. This week I only hit 5 days, but one of those days I did 2 workouts. So I technically hit my 6 times. I am working on getting a schedule down for my workouts....figuring out days I'll be at the Inspire 4 Life vs Core 24. I'm also working on getting my eating habits in check. I am starting to incorporate more whole grains back into my diet. It's been a struggle making sure I'm not getting too many and keeping my meals planned out. I never thought I would say this, but I want to try to stick to the main points of the Paleo lifestyle. It was actually so much easier than trying to figure out if I'm eating too much of something.

I continue to be amazed at what my body is capable of and the things it's letting me do. I never in a million years imagined that I would have a goal to work out 6 times a week -- let alone actually DOING IT! ...and it  feels GREAT! I am so blessed to have been given a second lease on life and to be able to change my health outcome. It was very scary for the doctor to blatantly tell me that I would die if something didn't change. But it was at that point that I knew I had to do it. I couldn't let heart problems take me away from life. I couldn't let obesity rule my life and rob me of my happiness. I was not going to let more opportunities be taken away from me because of my health. This is MY life and I'm taking it back!

One Year

Today marks one year that I have been on my weight-loss journey. It has been one heck of a year. If you don't know my back story, you can read it here. It's just hard to believe that it has actually been a whole year, 12 months, since I started changing my life for the better. It has taken a true mental dedication to stick to this. I know in my head and my heart that if I hadn't started this journey, I might not be alive. That's just the honest truth. My doctor blatantly told me that if things didn't change, I would die early. I didn't want to die, so I changed! My eating habits are completely different than they were 12 months ago. My activity level is MUCH higher than it was last year. I have new friends and stronger friendships. I am blessed to have had the opportunities for healthy living that I have experienced over the past year. I have now have two 5ks under my belt....something I NEVER would have done or imagined I would do this time last year. AND I have a third 5k scheduled for November in Charlotte with a new friend and 2 friends from college. My life is so much better.

I want to thank a few people specifically. First of all - Jessica. I thank God that we met in Spanish class 10 years ago! God knew I would need you in my life for this very reason. You have always been honest with me, even when it hurts -- and I know it has sometimes. You have kept me grounded and focused on my goals. Thank you for always standing by me and continuing to be a TRUE friend.  Leah - thank you for being my walking buddy. You have helped keep me on track as well. Had it not been for you, I would have never hit the pavement. You have pushed me to do extra things that I never thought I would do (Zumba, the 5k). Thank you for your friendship. Laurie - thank you for accepting me in your Zumba class. You have never judged me and I can't even begin to tell you how much that means. You have been so supportive and encouraging. You keep me excited to exercise. Your dedication and commitment to health and fitness is contagious. I only hope I can pass the excitement along! To Bobby and Carlos - thank you for working with me during this transformation over the past 6 weeks. Both of you have really pushed me beyond my limits. I never thought I would run or lift weights like you have made me do. You have a dedication to fitness as well. Thank you for making me realize that I'll never know what I'm capable of until I push beyond the pain.


I have so many other people to thank for all of their encouragement and support. There are so many that have made such an impact on my journey. I would never be able to thank or recognize them all. If you read this blog, THANK YOU! Knowing that my story is reaching others is so encouraging. My whole reason for blogging has become so that people who may be feeling the same way I do or facing the same struggles I am know that they are not alone. It helps so much to know that! Life is about sharing experiences with others and I am thankful I can share mine with each of you.

Catching You Back Up

As you might have noticed, I didn’t get much of a chance to blog last week. So let me try to catch you up! I left you having made my 8,000 step goal for Tuesday; well I met that goal again Wednesday! I hit 8, 312 steps Wednesday and 7,517 Thursday. I’m definitely making strides toward that 10,000 mark! I can pretty much guarantee that I’ll hit 10k tomorrow because I am walking a 5k in the morning! I haven’t said much about it because, honestly, I’m not really prepared for it. It still hasn’t sunk in that I’m really doing one again. My sister-in-law asked me if I wanted to do it with her (she’s actually doing the 10k) and my nephew, and possibly my brother. Obviously I said yes but my mind just isn’t completely there this time. I’m actually kinda nervous about it right now. I know I can do it, that’s not the issue. I just haven’t prepared for it by walking like I should, plus my legs are KILLING me from my workout with Bobby yesterday. He did actually prepare me for it a little bit without even knowing it. We went to the gym (Core 24) to workout yesterday and he had me “warm-up” and “cool down” on the treadmill. He had my speed at like 2.6-2.7 with an incline of 2.5-3.0! My body is not used to that…my LEGS are not used to that! And on top of that, he had me doing leg extensions with 30lbs. My thighs are screaming at me today!! I just hope they feel better tomorrow for this race. Carlos actually said he wanted to see me run the next one! Yeah, we’ll see about that! LOL

Speaking of Carlos, I worked out with him Thursday before our Inspired! meeting and Zumba. And of course he made me run again. We didn’t have a whole lot of time to work out. I went straight there after work, changed clothes and we got going around 4:15pm; our meeting started at 4:45pm. We did about 4 rounds of running, kettlebell squats/raises, and modified burpees. The running actually aggravated my hip from where I “hurt” it Tuesday, but I did it and it didn’t kill me! I did feel like I was falling apart by the end of the night though. I have developed a bone spur on the top of my foot and that started hurting, plus my hip was already bothering me, then I started getting calf cramps during Zumba! Again, I still made it. There’s a quote image that I found a while back that rings true in situations just like this…

Friday I didn’t have a workout because I had a surprise birthday party for my 2nd mama (my best friend’s mom). I did well at her party though as far as Paleo goes. I had some chicken salad (no sandwich), some veggies, and fruit. I stayed away from the cake, even though I had to cut it. I didn’t even lick my fingers! We had a great time.

Today was homecoming at our church. I wasn’t really looking forward to it because of all the food I couldn’t eat. I wanted to dig in so bad, but I didn’t. I actually brought my own stuff to make a salad for my lunch. I did enjoy a little bit of the apple and cherry crisp that my mom made, but mainly ate the fruit filling and not so much of the topping. I couldn’t even eat much of it because it started becoming too much.

I’m proud of myself and the obstacles I overcame this weekend. That was actually the main topic of our Inspired! meeting this week, obstacles. We talked about different things that stand in our way of staying on target for our goals. This weekend it was special occasions for me. The biggest thing is being prepared. Carlos mentioned planning out your meals on Sundays. Honestly, if you don’t prepare, you set yourself up for failure. That doesn’t mean you can’t overcome, but the odds are stacked against you to make bad decisions. I knew there would be fruits and veggies at the party Friday, so I wasn’t worried. Today, I knew there wouldn’t be anything I could eat, so I took my own. "By failing to prepare you are preparing to fail." (Ben Franklin)

Today is the day you can take control of your life. Take the necessary steps to get where you want to be. You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.

Another Reason

Just another reason why I blog and share my journey with others. I got a message today from someone I went to high school with. We weren't the best of friends, which made this message that much more special.

Hey girl! Just wanted to tell you that you're looking GREAT!! You're a real motivation for me - even though I haven't done Zumba yet, getting healthy has become important again and I owe alot of it to you for sharing your Journey! I'm sure it's been a tough road, but it's paying off for you! Way to go, Alisha!! And thank you for sharing with us!!

Keep 'em coming, people! I am feeding from this!

Days 16-20: Life on the Road

Welcome back! We had a great trip to Indiana and enjoyed our time with family for the reunion. I didn’t get the exercise in that I was hoping for. I had planned to go to the gym Saturday morning, but my cousin’s father passed away so we didn’t get to go. I did manage to do 40 step-ups Friday morning and 50 shoulder presses Saturday with a 15lb baby. I did a little bit of walking but not near what I should have (only got in about 10 minutes). Our days were packed full of “stuff” to do. I really wish I had done more, especially considering some of what I ate this weekend….

Speaking of - I didn’t do horrible on the food front, but I definitely didn’t follow Paleo like I was supposed to. I stuck to it for two meals and the third was kind of a “treat.” We only get White Castle and Pizza King/Clara’s once a year – when we go up for the reunion – so I did indulge in those two places. I did eat in moderation though. Normally, I could/would eat at least 6 White Castles and a large order of onion rings. This stop, I only ate 2 and 4 single onion rings (not even ½ a regular order of rings) plus a couple of fish bites. As for Clara’s, their pizza is in small squares and I think I ate about 5-6 squares. We did stop at McDonald’s on the way up and back too. I got a grilled chicken sandwich and ate just the chicken and toppings (lettuce, tomato, bacon) and 10-15 fries each time. I know none of that is Paleolithic, and I’m fessing up. I’m not hiding that fact that I didn’t follow my diet completely. I am letting you know that moderation is the key. But I did actually get a little sick Sunday morning. I’m not quite sure if it was not having eaten breakfast before heading out on the road or what I had eaten the days before; so that’s probably my payback! My good meals: Friday I had pork loin with cucumbers and tomatoes; Saturday I had chicken strips with tomatoes and sweet potatoes. Breakfast was grapes and a Larabar (Saturday), and grapes and turkey slices (Friday).

So there are my results from my weekend away. They aren’t the best, but they’re honest. Now to get back on track completely this week and have the trainers kick my butt like I know they will!

Life and Workouts

Whatever journey you’re on, life happens. I have been working on this transformation challenge for 2 weeks now. Last week was great, I worked out 6 days and had a restful Sunday. I will admit that this week has been hard. I didn’t get a real workout in on Tuesday. I was only able to do about 10 minutes of rowing then I remembered a ton of stuff I had to get done before going to bed, plus I had food on the stove cooking for lunch. Life took over and I didn’t finish my workout. I did get my Zumba in last night though. I had a great dinner (steak, “fried” sweet potatoes, and salad) and Carlos came over to clean out my fridge and cabinets. Oh, and they posted a video of my first workout with Carlos and Bobby on the website, so check it out on the Inspire 4 Life Facebook page.


Wednesday Dinner - YUM!

After finally going to the grocery store with Laurie on Saturday, I now have no reason not to eat Paleolithic. They have supplied me the ingredients and I have to come up with the meals. That has been a real challenge for me. I am not used to eating these foods and the way this lifestyle encompasses. I’m used to my bread, pasta, potatoes, corn, etc. I’m used to just coming home from a workout and my meal being on the table because my loving mother cooked for me. She doesn’t even know how to fix the foods I need to eat. I’ve had to do a lot of research for recipes and ideas on how to fix things in a way that I think I might like. I found a few that I’ve already tried, and some that I want to try. Most have been a success, some not so much; but I’m learning. It’s a process that requires more preparation than I’ve ever been used to. It has always been automatic that I take leftovers to work the next day. Now that my mom doesn’t really cook for me, I have to really plan. I have to plan in advance what I’m going to have the next day, two, or three so that I can fix what I need.



Wednesday Lunch

This weekend is really going to be a challenge. We are going to Indiana for our family reunion. There are typical food stops that we always make along that way that I can’t stop for this time. I probably won’t be able to have anything that anyone brings to the reunion food-wise. I’m not going to have a lot of time to do any workouts. The plus is that all my family up there knows the journey I’m on and the sacrifices I am making. I think they’ll understand if I sneak off to the gym for an hour or so. Maybe I can even motivate some of them to join me! I’ll even make a Paleolithic dish and dessert (maybe) to take to the reunion. There are going to be A LOT of temptations, I hope I can withstand!! I probably won’t be able to post again until I get back. So be on the lookout for my results for the weekend on Monday!

from my workout with Bobby

Days of Rest and Meals

So after working out for 6 days straight last week, I finally took Sunday off. It was much needed, and deserved if I do say so myself! My arms were so sore that it hurt to straighten them. It felt good to just relax for a while.


Sunday lunch was not quite Paleolithic because it included bread and a bit of ranch dressing, but I did manage to cook Paleo for dinner Sunday night. I had rosemary chicken with cinnamon bacon sweet potatoes. My thoughts: I don’t like rosemary as much as I thought I did. Next time I fix a sweet potato, I will peel it. Saturday night I had pork chops with scrambled eggs and salsa. Yesterday was my first full day of really trying to do Paleo in its entirety after our grocery trip. It was a success except for the 2 tablespoons of Italian dressing with my salad for lunch. Breakfast was turkey bacon, scrambled eggs, and fruit (grapes and strawberries). Lunch was a grilled chicken salad with almonds, egg, and tomato. Dinner was yummy! I fixed chicken fajita lettuce wraps. It really was quite delicious. I used some of the leftover veggies (red bell pepper, zucchini, and onions) to put in my breakfast for the rest of the week – egg muffins. I even fried a little bit of (Paleo-friendly) sausage to put in them. They are really good too! :)

They were supposed to come do the pantry raid last night, but schedules got hectic and we postponed until Wednesday. That’ll be interesting! I’m just excited to finally start cooking and eating new things. I don’t have a lot of recipes yet, but I’ll build my stash…and even create some of my own. I’ve always wanted to try a bunch of recipes but never would because my mom wouldn’t eat it. She won’t eat what I “have” to eat right now anyway, so this is my chance to try all this different stuff! I am surprised that I’m not hungrier. I would have bet that I would starve trying to make it on this plan and between meals, but I’m not. I am actually satisfied; but in the instance that I’m not, I have options – healthy options. Here are some pics to keep your mouth watering until next time…..

Saturday's Dinner - Pork Chops with Scrambled Eggs and Salsa

Sunday Dinner - Rosemary Chicken and Cinnamon Bacon Sweet Potatoes

Monday Breakfast - Scrabmled Eggs, Turkey Bacon, Fruit

Monday Dinner - Chicken Fajita Lettuce Wraps

Tuesday Breakfast - Egg Muffins with peppers, onions, and zucchini

The Reason I Do What I Do

I know I have actually already posted for today, but I can't help but share this with you. A friend of mine that I went through my teenage years with and haven't seen in years sent me a message today. This is what she wrote:

Alisha,
I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoy reading your blog & am so inspired by you! I have been morbidly obese my ENTIRE life, and seeing your determination to change direction and do what it takes to live well instead of just being alive has really spoken to me. I began my own journey to change one month ago. Saying it is hard to change 29 years of toxic eating habits is an understatement. I would rather eat bread than chocolate any day! But slowly, as I see results of my hard work, along with yours, I am inspired to do better. I hope I don't come off as weird or "stalkish" lol. Sometimes it's just nice to know someone is rooting for you. Good luck & God speed!

This brought me to tears. This message is the very reason I blog and share my story -- success and failures! I know there are people out there in the same boat as me that are just as "depressed" about their situation but think it's too hard to chage. YES, it's hard -- but it will ALL be worth it in the end! The failures keep me in check and make me stronger and want to push harder the next time. The successes let me know that I CAN do this and give me confidence to continue on. So keep sending those messages and comments!!

Days 7 & 8 - Overwhelmed

Workouts have been great. I am still sore from Carlos’ workout on Monday. I think I was more uncomfortable Tuesday than Monday after the double workout! Normally I would just sit around and rest after being worked like that…but I didn’t. I did a 24 minute Biggest Loser Box-Fit workout on the Wii. Then yesterday I had my normal Zumba class and tonight I’m doing another Zumba class! I never could understand the people that worked out all the time, 6-7 days/week; but right now, I’m one of those people. To my surprise, I’m not as exhausted as I thought I would be right now. I’m still at the beginning of this transformation process, but that really gives me hope….which I really need right now.

I am completely blessed that I have this opportunity. I knew it would be hard, but it never crossed my mind about the emotional aspects of this specific journey. It’s not the workouts, it’s the eating right. You get so used to eating a certain way, or not even caring about what you eat…then to completely change everything. I don’t even know where to begin! I don’t know what to buy. I don’t know how to prepare it. I don’t know if I’ll like it. I went to the grocery store last night and basically just wondered around. I bought a bell pepper. Woo hoo. I wasn’t really sure what to look for or what I should/shouldn’t be buying. It’s hard to change 29 years’ worth of thinking and habits. I am absolutely clueless to this new way of things. I literally wanted to cry in the middle of the store, and almost did. I don’t know what I’m doing. Not to mention, to get started on the right path and get what I really need is expensive. Money we don’t have. I’m just overwhelmed……..

8 Months of Loss

Sorry it's been so long since I last posted. I'm without internet at home, so it's a rare occasion that I'm able to get online to do things like this nowadays. Anyway....not much has happened since I last blogged except for measuring last night. I have shed another 2.25 inches. It was my lowest month since I started, but I'll gladly take it. It's a loss! I've had consistent loss over the past 8 months which is absolutely amazing. I can't believe my progress and am completely astounded.

I am blessed to have all the support that I have had since I began this journey back in September. I have had support and encouragement from people that I never would have expected....people that God placed in my life 10 or more years ago. He knew the journey I would be on today and placed the people in my life that He knew would help me along and uplift me. PLUS, He has put NEW people in my life that I am blessed to be sharing this journey with also. I am doing things I never thought I would do or could ever imagine! I am just truly blessed that I have made it this far and am excited for my future. I am taking my life back and enjoying the ride!!

One Day at a Time

Those of you that read my blog know the struggles I posted about on Monday night. Let me just say I am so eternally grateful for all the support you've given me! I know that, in light of my issues, I still have people around me that are concerned and want to see me succeed. I talked to one of those people on the phone last night -- Jessica (my BFF & accountability partner). I knew that she would be able to help me get my head and heart back in the "game". After all, it was a conversation with HER 9 months ago that helped kick my butt into gear and start this journey for real! Being able to talk to her just helped me to refocus my energy and figure out where all this is coming from. I still haven't really figured it out, but I'm taking it one step at a time...one day at a time!

Today was a success. Yes, I went over on my calories, but I didn't feel guilty about it. It wasn't because I over-indulged  or over-ate. Supper wasn't the best choice, but it was okay. My biggest accomplishment today was not eating all the snacks/junk I normally do. It's embarrassing to say, but today is the first day in a while that my snacking calories didn't exceed any of my meal calories. I didn't even have a snack until after lunch today, and then it was pretzels with this new individual chocolate cream cheese cups that I found! Delish! Some of you may not think that's much of an accomplishment, but to me it's HUGE! I had a great workout at Zumba tonight and I'm ready to tackle another day! Right now that's what I have to focus on -- one day at a time. If I look too far ahead, I know I'll get overwhelmed again and go right back to where I was. I can't afford that.


I found these quotes on Jesse Duplantis's Facebook today:

Don't allow the world's ideas to rob you of your self-confidence. The world doesn't know you like your Creator knows you.

The devil is destined to lose and you are anointed to win. Praise God!

Don't give up on yourself...God hasn't.

That last one really got to me. God has faith in me, I just have to realize that and start putting one foot in front of the other again. He is here beside me cheering me on. He is whispering in my ear, "You CAN do this!" I cannot give up! I have too much to fight for. I can't afford to die! I want to LIVE! I'm not out of the woods yet. I still have issues to deal with, but I'm in a better mindset than I have been. I know I will make it through this -- one day at a time...

Blessed

In the midst of trials, it's remarkable how God works and reminds you that you are STILL blessed and highly favored. Some times you hear it directly from Him, or you hear it through a friend's encouraging word, or through a song. I've had it ALL this week. Leah reminded me of His faithfulness in a text and today I was listening to my iPod and I heard a song that I haven't heard in a long time by the Crabb Family. The first and last line (song title) of the chorus just stuck out to me: "In the midst of the storm, He spoke 'Peace be still' and the winds lay at His feet. / When you've done all you can, remember Jesus can do all that you can't." Then I hear God's voice whisper - "I can do it!" It doesn't matter how deep or dark the valley seems to be, God still has control. He won't give you more than you can bear WITHOUT a way of escape! It doesn't matter how many times I fail him, His love is limitless and unconditional. His grace and mercy are unwavering. He never ceases to amaze me!

I am also blessed by the people and opportunities God has placed in my life. It's not coincidence, it's divine intervention! God knew years ago what I would need today. He knew the journey I would be on and the support "staff" that I would need. He took certain situations and made friendships. He put people in my path that I might not have chosen for myself. Had it not been for people I met 10+ years ago, I would not have the push and foundation I need for the journey I am on today. I am thankful for where I am today. I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but I know I'll get there. God has me in the palm of His hand and will continue provide where I need him to; I have no doubt in that whatsoever!

If You Only Knew...

I will admit sincerely that the past couple of days have been rough for me spiritually and emotionally. I have felt like I'm missing out, like I don't belong, like I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going. This has spilled over into my eating as I haven't really paid attention to what I've been eating and basically eating what I want without caring. But you know what.....that's OVER! God never ceases to amaze me and has spoken to me in the midst of my storm. I'm not out of it yet, but instead of hanging my head saying "woe is me," I will take this day as a day the LORD has given me and REJOICE in it!

Music is a passion of mine and I love the way God speaks to me through songs. There have been 3 songs that have spoken to me over the last few days. One I posted Monday - Broken. Another is a brand new song by Mark Condon -- Cover Me. The other is one I have heard countless times before and it really spoke to me. I can't let the devil keep taking what belongs to me! My joy and my peace - I want it ALL back!

I want it all back.

You may have thought you won that last round. You may have laughed. I almost fell down. Maybe you think I give up easy. But it's not over, I got more in me. You thought I stopped. You thought I sat down. But I am standin'! You made me mad now! You got some things I think you owe me. I've come to get back everything that you stole.

I want it all back.

You hit me hard. I should be knocked out. Things I've been through - don't even wanna talk about. You crossed the line. You violated me. I want revenge. I want everything back from A to Z. The battle's not mine. The battle is the Lord's. In the name of JESUS, I'm takin' it by force!

I want it all back!

If you only knew what I was gonna be after the storm you wouldn't have even bothered me!

And now I'm STRONGER. And I got more POWER. I'm a little bit WISER. And I for more STRENGTH. I for the ANOINTING. God God's FAVOR. And we're still STANDING. 

I want it all back!

I'm telling you -- God spoke to me in this song. I can't let the devil take what God has given me. I can't give him my joy, my success, my determination! I'm taking it ALL back and running full force into God's arms! The part I like best is: "Devil, if you only knew what I was gonna be after the storm you wouldn't have even bothered me!"

Through this whole thing, like I said it has affected my weight-loss determination. I still did my Zumba, but I didn't have the will-power to stay away from the "bad" foods. Without God as my focus, I lost focus! I didn't see my success. I just saw the road ahead and became discouraged. Now my mind is back where it needs to be and I am read to RUN! I'm ready to do something about it. I'm ready to do something that takes this journey to the next level. Pray for that if you will. I have an idea in my head, but I'm not sure how receptive an idea it is.

When I went to Zumba Monday, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I didn't look long because I've never liked looking at myself (full-body) in the mirror. I thought something though. I thought -- I can really tell I'm losing weight. I didn't dwell on it much because, at that point, I was still doubting and going through my "battle." But tonight -- I took a second look. I really looked at my full-body in the mirror. Staring back was someone I never thought I would see. I saw a "skinnier" version of ME! I saw someone that likes to exercise. Someone that cares about herself enough to start a journey that she has failed at many times before. And you know what -- I LIKED IT! I really can tell I'm losing weight. I can see the difference...but more importantly, I can FEEL the difference! I know I still have a LONG way to go, but I see the obstacles I've already overcome and I know I can do more!

Broken

I found this song on YouTube last night and it has ministered to my heart so much.  

He'll do it again, just like before.

He'll heal your broken heart.

Your life he can restore.

He'll do it again, 'cause he's your best friend.

He'll never let you down.

Lord, I am broken.

My life is in pieces, but

Your strength is perfect in all of my weakness.

I know I'm broken, but You can heal me.

Jesus! Jesus!

I'm calling You.

Good News

I haven't had much time to post this past week. I've been busy getting adapted to my new job (that I LOVE!). And this week we're in revival at church, so I'm trying to balance church and getting my exercise in, with the new job and errands and appointments and.....well, you get the picture! :) Anyway, I just wanted to give an "official" update that I have lost another 3.5 inches!! That brings my total to 31.25 inches over a period of six months. This all came together with an appt today with my cardiologist. I get there and they have me "hop up" on the bed -- THEN go to take my blood pressure. Aye! The nurse tries one arm...BP won't take. Moves to the other arm....still won't take. I'm thinking to myself - "Great, it's gonna be sky HIGH by the time she gets a reading." So she changes cuffs (to the regular sized) and gets it...130/82!!! Praise the Lord! I was so excited. I'm sure that might still sound "high" to some of you, but it WAS running 190/100! This is a major feat! They do my EKG and then say "the dr will be with you in a minute" -- you know how that goes. Well, he finally comes in and is continues with my exam. He asks how I am doing and I explain to him the past 6 months of change that I have been going through. Needless to say, he is very happy with my blood pressure, EKG, my weight loss, and my activity level! So much so that he doesn't want to see me back for 6 months - as opposed to the every 2 months it has been!! He even mentioned taking me off some of my medication for next time based on my progress! I'm telling you...I was so excited just to go to my appt and tell him what has been happening, much less hear those words actually come out of his mouth! :) That is one of my goals in the weight-loss journey of mine. Another one is to actually be able to be weighed when I go in for a dr's appointment. That didn't happen today, but IT WILL!! A very dear friend of mine posted this on my FB wall when I mentioned the success at my dr's appt today --

Hard work...Determination...Victory!!

Progress

As I was on my way home from Zumba tonight, I really started thinking about my journey over the past 6 months. First off, I can't believe it's actually been that long -- it has been amazing! I see a change and difference in myself that I never really thought I would ever see or feel. I have started countless diets and exercised, but I always quit. Habits are hard to make and break, and up until now I didn't think it was possible to change them....but I HAVE! I am no where near where I want to be and some habits are still hard to break...but I'm working on it. This is more than just diet and exercise -- this is my LIFE now. Healthy foods are in the forefront of my mind and exercise is like second nature to me now. I can't even tell you how bad I feel when I miss a workout/Zumba. As much as it "hurts" to exercise sometimes, it hurts worse knowing that if my life doesn't change I won't be ABLE to exercise.

Like I said, I am no where near where I want to be in my life (all aspects), but I can most certainly see the progress. I can actually see where I've lost the inches. I can feel a difference in my body. I can feel my stamina building. When I first started doing Zumba, I'll admit - I was scared. I knew my overweight self wouldn't be able to keep up with all the "little" bodies in class...but I did it anyway. I kept going and kept going...and NOW, I can double time with [most] the best of them! When I started walking, I got winded and needed to stop just walking a mile. NOW, I can do two miles without needing a "break." Heck, I even completed a 5k...and plan on doing another one soon! I'm not the best dancer or the fastest walker, but I'm proud of what I can do now. I can honestly say that I am excited to go back to the cardiologist and tell him what all has happened in the past 6 months! :) I am blessed beyond measure, and am excited to see what I'll do next...

God's Blessing

You know, I look back at all the happenings in my life since high school and I can see God's hand in all of it. What I thought was the "love" of my life since HS loving someone else who became my best friend....hating Erskine during Business School to getting a full ride....losing all my scholarships, but still providing the funds for me to stay at there....being in Spanish classes with upperclassmen who became my closest friends....a caring gynecologist who referred me to a point-blank cardiologist....a pregnant friend that pushed through a 5k with me....being unemployed for over a year and allowing me to help care for my premature nephew....giving me a job that I ended up dreading going in to but giving me friendships that will last outside of that place.....friendships that lead to new opportunities....a new job that will lead to GREATER possibilities and blessings....

I'm just being honest with you -- had it not been for God allowing/providing specific events in my life, I would not be where I am today with the friends that keep me going. I cannot even begin to express my many thanks to God for his bountiful blessings in my life over the past few months and even years. I thank God for my experiences at my previous job(s) -- both good and bad. I have learned from them and grown into who I am today. I thank God for my college experience and education. It led me to one of my most faithful friends! I thank God for Thirty-One. It has renewed friendships, provided new experiences, and rewarding opportunities. And, as strange as it may seem, I thank God for annual check-ups and high-blood pressure. God has used doctor appointments to open my eyes and jump start me on a journey that I know I should have started a LONG time ago. God has completely changed my life over the past year especially. I cannot wait to see what the next year holds!

God Still Works

As most of you know, I am pretty unhappy in the job where I currently work. Well, let me just tell you that God still works in His own timing. I was presented with a job opportunity this week that I was totally not expecting! It all happened VERY quickly. I found out about the job and filled out my application/sent my resume on Tuesday. I was supposed to have an interview Wednesday but it got pushed to Friday at 4pm. By 5:15 Friday afternoon, I knew I had the job! You can't tell me that God isn't faithful!! I am so completely thrilled to be getting out of a drama-filled workplace where I wasn't even being used to my full potential and into a job that is more along the lines of what I went to school for. I will completely miss the people I worked with. Those that know me, and really care, know that I really need to do this. I mean, when someone says "I have noticed lately that you haven't been smiling much. Hope you get your smile back." -- that's a pretty good indicator that something's not right. It was time for a change and it came at the perfect time. I thank God for this opportunity and pray I do Him honor and that He is able to use me in this new environment. Oh! and I start tomorrow (Monday)!

Frustrated

I am really struggling right now and ask for your prayers. It is not necessarily with my weight-loss journey, but something going on in my life -- mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. I am conflicted with where I am right now in a couple of different situations in my life. I just don't know what to do or how to feel. I am frustrated with it all.  I'm not sure where to go from here because, frankly, I don't necessarily know where "here" is right now or where to even start. There's a lot going on in my mind and the environment around me. Honestly -- I'm confused. I'm discouraged. I'm conflicted. I'm an outsider. I hate feeling this way! I really need your prayers for God to show me His will, what I need to do, and to strengthen me.