Reflections

The past couple of weeks have really been a roller coaster for me. I have not been as dedicated to my eating as I should be. It hit me after I stepped on the scale 2 weeks ago. I didn't hit the goal I had set for myself for the past month. Automatically I start thinking about and reflecting on why I failed....

I had been eating too much junk and carb-loaded foods. Some of it was little things, but little things add up! No one really knew what was going on; I really didn't even realize what I was doing. It was almost like I was subconsciously sabotaging my weight-loss. But I finally woke up and realized what was happening. I knew I was on a slippery slope and I had to make the CONSCIOUS decision to stop. I literally had a confessional with my BFF/accountability partner Jessica on Wednesday of last week, and then with my trainers on Thursday. It was tough, but I knew it had to be done. The more people that knew meant more people that could keep me accountable during this phase of my journey.

After my confessionals, I decided to make weekly goals for myself with my food. Last week I made a goal of making sure at least 1/2 of my weekly meals (11 meals) followed the Paleolithic lifestyle. I made it -- I had 12 Paleo meals last week! This week, I have the same goal. It's going to be a little tougher with Thanksgiving, but I'm determined to make it! I HAVE to make it!

This little bump in the road really made me think about where I came from and the progress I have made. Before, my life was all about the junk and carb-loaded foods! I didn't care at all what I ate. I loved my bread, sweets, chocolate, cake, fried foods.....I loved it all. I still enjoy chocolate, but a more natural version and not every day! I still enjoy muffins, breads, cakes, etc - but grain and gluten free! I still enjoy foods that I love, but in a healthier way.

I know my blogs here lately have been about my journey thus far. This Thanksgiving season has really brought be to a point of reflection. I am so very thankful for the opportunity God has given me to turn my life around. It's hard to look back at just over a year ago and see the road I was headed down. I look a pictures and can't believe the difference. I can't believe how a year changes things! I can see the difference in my pictures, but sometimes I don't feel it. I mean, I feel the healthy difference, but can't always feel the "weight" difference. I hope that makes sense.

I hit a snag in the road and begin to doubt things. It's not pretty! But then I get reassurance from people around me that I am doing such a good job, that they are proud of me, that I'm an inspiration to them. It renews my confidence and determination for this journey I am on. Then I try on an XXL t-shirt that I was for sure wouldn't fit, but IT DID!


my XXL shirt!! :)



I begin to look at pictures from when I first started and realize that I am making progress. No matter how I "feel," my body is changing -- for the BETTER! I remember why I am on this journey. I can't go back down that road. I can't go back to where I was. I will die if I do. There will be ups and downs, but it is so worth it! I will one day be the person I know I'm meant to be. In the meantime, I will enjoy this journey and keep pushing forward.

What a difference!!
January 5k (time 71:40) vs November 5k (time 59:30)

OH! I just realized I haven't even told you about the Color Run 5k I did this weekend! OH EM GEE!!!! It was SO MUCH FUN! Jenny couldn't make it, so Erica's mom came and enjoyed the weekend with us. We got up to Charlotte Friday evening to get our race packets. Saturday morning we woke up early, enjoyed a Paleo breakfast (courtesy of my trainer, Laurie!) and headed to Lowe's Motor Speedway for the race. There were so many people - I think they said over 12,000 -- and we all looked the same in our white! I had a goal to finish in under an hour. My 5k time from September was 69:40, so I knew it was going to be a tough challenge trying to cut 10 minutes off. After the first hill, I was doubtful that I would make my goal. Then the second hill hit, and I just knew I wouldn't make it! Well, I finished in 59:30!!! I made it!!!!! I was so stinkin' excited! I honestly didn't think I would after those hills, which I really didn't expect. This was a huge feat for me and I can't wait for my next race!

Collage

Color FUN!

me and my SIL, Amanda - before and after!

Color Throw Celebration

yes, I AM!!

VICTORY!!

One Year

Today marks one year that I have been on my weight-loss journey. It has been one heck of a year. If you don't know my back story, you can read it here. It's just hard to believe that it has actually been a whole year, 12 months, since I started changing my life for the better. It has taken a true mental dedication to stick to this. I know in my head and my heart that if I hadn't started this journey, I might not be alive. That's just the honest truth. My doctor blatantly told me that if things didn't change, I would die early. I didn't want to die, so I changed! My eating habits are completely different than they were 12 months ago. My activity level is MUCH higher than it was last year. I have new friends and stronger friendships. I am blessed to have had the opportunities for healthy living that I have experienced over the past year. I have now have two 5ks under my belt....something I NEVER would have done or imagined I would do this time last year. AND I have a third 5k scheduled for November in Charlotte with a new friend and 2 friends from college. My life is so much better.

I want to thank a few people specifically. First of all - Jessica. I thank God that we met in Spanish class 10 years ago! God knew I would need you in my life for this very reason. You have always been honest with me, even when it hurts -- and I know it has sometimes. You have kept me grounded and focused on my goals. Thank you for always standing by me and continuing to be a TRUE friend.  Leah - thank you for being my walking buddy. You have helped keep me on track as well. Had it not been for you, I would have never hit the pavement. You have pushed me to do extra things that I never thought I would do (Zumba, the 5k). Thank you for your friendship. Laurie - thank you for accepting me in your Zumba class. You have never judged me and I can't even begin to tell you how much that means. You have been so supportive and encouraging. You keep me excited to exercise. Your dedication and commitment to health and fitness is contagious. I only hope I can pass the excitement along! To Bobby and Carlos - thank you for working with me during this transformation over the past 6 weeks. Both of you have really pushed me beyond my limits. I never thought I would run or lift weights like you have made me do. You have a dedication to fitness as well. Thank you for making me realize that I'll never know what I'm capable of until I push beyond the pain.


I have so many other people to thank for all of their encouragement and support. There are so many that have made such an impact on my journey. I would never be able to thank or recognize them all. If you read this blog, THANK YOU! Knowing that my story is reaching others is so encouraging. My whole reason for blogging has become so that people who may be feeling the same way I do or facing the same struggles I am know that they are not alone. It helps so much to know that! Life is about sharing experiences with others and I am thankful I can share mine with each of you.

Labor Day Funk Run



#60

 Well I did it - I completed another 5k. Let me just tell you, this one was tough. I went into the race yesterday not fully prepared but I knew I could do it. I started the race, no problem. It was hilly, but I was pushing through. About halfway through, my feet were really hurting, specifically the balls of my feet. I felt like they were on fire and every step got worse. I kept singing the Praise & Worship songs on my playlist and praying for God to ease the pain. I had two goals for this race: not to stop and to finish with a better time than in January and I was very close to not accomplishing either one. I was about two thirds of the way through the race and who do I see ahead but my trainer Bobby coming back to get me. I was literally in tears at this point. I just about felt like I couldn’t go any farther and God sent him to help me push through. I would have finished regardless, but I definitely wouldn’t have finished in better time had Bobby not come back. He talked to me and kept my mind off how bad my feet were hurting. So I accomplished BOTH goals today – I never stopped and I finished 2 solid minutes ahead of my January time!

the reason my feet were hurting - yep, a HUGE blister full of blood!

 Yesterday’s race meant a lot to me. It wasn’t just achieving my goals; it was more than that. It was a boost in confidence. There were so many people that kept encouraging me along the way. The church (UAG) that sponsored the race had cheerleaders along the route, which was great, but it was the other participants. Every time I turned around there was someone giving me an extra boost. “You’re doing great.” “Keep going.” “You got this.” I can’t tell you how much that meant and what it added to my determination. It helped me when my feet first started hurting. I knew I just had to keep pushing.

I did this race “by myself.” My brother was going to walk with me, but he decided to run and I was going to walk with his mother-in-law. When the race started, she had a faster pace than me so she went on. Deep down, I knew I had to do this on my own anyway. I had to prove to myself that I could do it without anyone by my side, without relying on someone to be there for me to lean on when I got tired. I had to make up my own mind that this was MY race. Yes, my trainer came back to push me to the end, but he wasn’t my crutch. I knew I would finish had he come back or not. He just came to kick me to finish strong, and finish strong I did!

People tell me all the time, “I wish I had your determination.” All it takes is a little work. You have to realize that you have a purpose in this life. Right now, my purpose is to live and in order to live this is what I have to do. I have to work hard to lose weight. I have to lose weight to literally stay alive. When the way you’ve been living isn’t working anymore, you know something has to change. If you don’t change, you’ll die. Plain and simple. Not wanting to die drives my determination. Find your drive. Find your purpose.

Catching You Back Up

As you might have noticed, I didn’t get much of a chance to blog last week. So let me try to catch you up! I left you having made my 8,000 step goal for Tuesday; well I met that goal again Wednesday! I hit 8, 312 steps Wednesday and 7,517 Thursday. I’m definitely making strides toward that 10,000 mark! I can pretty much guarantee that I’ll hit 10k tomorrow because I am walking a 5k in the morning! I haven’t said much about it because, honestly, I’m not really prepared for it. It still hasn’t sunk in that I’m really doing one again. My sister-in-law asked me if I wanted to do it with her (she’s actually doing the 10k) and my nephew, and possibly my brother. Obviously I said yes but my mind just isn’t completely there this time. I’m actually kinda nervous about it right now. I know I can do it, that’s not the issue. I just haven’t prepared for it by walking like I should, plus my legs are KILLING me from my workout with Bobby yesterday. He did actually prepare me for it a little bit without even knowing it. We went to the gym (Core 24) to workout yesterday and he had me “warm-up” and “cool down” on the treadmill. He had my speed at like 2.6-2.7 with an incline of 2.5-3.0! My body is not used to that…my LEGS are not used to that! And on top of that, he had me doing leg extensions with 30lbs. My thighs are screaming at me today!! I just hope they feel better tomorrow for this race. Carlos actually said he wanted to see me run the next one! Yeah, we’ll see about that! LOL

Speaking of Carlos, I worked out with him Thursday before our Inspired! meeting and Zumba. And of course he made me run again. We didn’t have a whole lot of time to work out. I went straight there after work, changed clothes and we got going around 4:15pm; our meeting started at 4:45pm. We did about 4 rounds of running, kettlebell squats/raises, and modified burpees. The running actually aggravated my hip from where I “hurt” it Tuesday, but I did it and it didn’t kill me! I did feel like I was falling apart by the end of the night though. I have developed a bone spur on the top of my foot and that started hurting, plus my hip was already bothering me, then I started getting calf cramps during Zumba! Again, I still made it. There’s a quote image that I found a while back that rings true in situations just like this…

Friday I didn’t have a workout because I had a surprise birthday party for my 2nd mama (my best friend’s mom). I did well at her party though as far as Paleo goes. I had some chicken salad (no sandwich), some veggies, and fruit. I stayed away from the cake, even though I had to cut it. I didn’t even lick my fingers! We had a great time.

Today was homecoming at our church. I wasn’t really looking forward to it because of all the food I couldn’t eat. I wanted to dig in so bad, but I didn’t. I actually brought my own stuff to make a salad for my lunch. I did enjoy a little bit of the apple and cherry crisp that my mom made, but mainly ate the fruit filling and not so much of the topping. I couldn’t even eat much of it because it started becoming too much.

I’m proud of myself and the obstacles I overcame this weekend. That was actually the main topic of our Inspired! meeting this week, obstacles. We talked about different things that stand in our way of staying on target for our goals. This weekend it was special occasions for me. The biggest thing is being prepared. Carlos mentioned planning out your meals on Sundays. Honestly, if you don’t prepare, you set yourself up for failure. That doesn’t mean you can’t overcome, but the odds are stacked against you to make bad decisions. I knew there would be fruits and veggies at the party Friday, so I wasn’t worried. Today, I knew there wouldn’t be anything I could eat, so I took my own. "By failing to prepare you are preparing to fail." (Ben Franklin)

Today is the day you can take control of your life. Take the necessary steps to get where you want to be. You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.

Days 16-20: Life on the Road

Welcome back! We had a great trip to Indiana and enjoyed our time with family for the reunion. I didn’t get the exercise in that I was hoping for. I had planned to go to the gym Saturday morning, but my cousin’s father passed away so we didn’t get to go. I did manage to do 40 step-ups Friday morning and 50 shoulder presses Saturday with a 15lb baby. I did a little bit of walking but not near what I should have (only got in about 10 minutes). Our days were packed full of “stuff” to do. I really wish I had done more, especially considering some of what I ate this weekend….

Speaking of - I didn’t do horrible on the food front, but I definitely didn’t follow Paleo like I was supposed to. I stuck to it for two meals and the third was kind of a “treat.” We only get White Castle and Pizza King/Clara’s once a year – when we go up for the reunion – so I did indulge in those two places. I did eat in moderation though. Normally, I could/would eat at least 6 White Castles and a large order of onion rings. This stop, I only ate 2 and 4 single onion rings (not even ½ a regular order of rings) plus a couple of fish bites. As for Clara’s, their pizza is in small squares and I think I ate about 5-6 squares. We did stop at McDonald’s on the way up and back too. I got a grilled chicken sandwich and ate just the chicken and toppings (lettuce, tomato, bacon) and 10-15 fries each time. I know none of that is Paleolithic, and I’m fessing up. I’m not hiding that fact that I didn’t follow my diet completely. I am letting you know that moderation is the key. But I did actually get a little sick Sunday morning. I’m not quite sure if it was not having eaten breakfast before heading out on the road or what I had eaten the days before; so that’s probably my payback! My good meals: Friday I had pork loin with cucumbers and tomatoes; Saturday I had chicken strips with tomatoes and sweet potatoes. Breakfast was grapes and a Larabar (Saturday), and grapes and turkey slices (Friday).

So there are my results from my weekend away. They aren’t the best, but they’re honest. Now to get back on track completely this week and have the trainers kick my butt like I know they will!

Life and Workouts

Whatever journey you’re on, life happens. I have been working on this transformation challenge for 2 weeks now. Last week was great, I worked out 6 days and had a restful Sunday. I will admit that this week has been hard. I didn’t get a real workout in on Tuesday. I was only able to do about 10 minutes of rowing then I remembered a ton of stuff I had to get done before going to bed, plus I had food on the stove cooking for lunch. Life took over and I didn’t finish my workout. I did get my Zumba in last night though. I had a great dinner (steak, “fried” sweet potatoes, and salad) and Carlos came over to clean out my fridge and cabinets. Oh, and they posted a video of my first workout with Carlos and Bobby on the website, so check it out on the Inspire 4 Life Facebook page.


Wednesday Dinner - YUM!

After finally going to the grocery store with Laurie on Saturday, I now have no reason not to eat Paleolithic. They have supplied me the ingredients and I have to come up with the meals. That has been a real challenge for me. I am not used to eating these foods and the way this lifestyle encompasses. I’m used to my bread, pasta, potatoes, corn, etc. I’m used to just coming home from a workout and my meal being on the table because my loving mother cooked for me. She doesn’t even know how to fix the foods I need to eat. I’ve had to do a lot of research for recipes and ideas on how to fix things in a way that I think I might like. I found a few that I’ve already tried, and some that I want to try. Most have been a success, some not so much; but I’m learning. It’s a process that requires more preparation than I’ve ever been used to. It has always been automatic that I take leftovers to work the next day. Now that my mom doesn’t really cook for me, I have to really plan. I have to plan in advance what I’m going to have the next day, two, or three so that I can fix what I need.



Wednesday Lunch

This weekend is really going to be a challenge. We are going to Indiana for our family reunion. There are typical food stops that we always make along that way that I can’t stop for this time. I probably won’t be able to have anything that anyone brings to the reunion food-wise. I’m not going to have a lot of time to do any workouts. The plus is that all my family up there knows the journey I’m on and the sacrifices I am making. I think they’ll understand if I sneak off to the gym for an hour or so. Maybe I can even motivate some of them to join me! I’ll even make a Paleolithic dish and dessert (maybe) to take to the reunion. There are going to be A LOT of temptations, I hope I can withstand!! I probably won’t be able to post again until I get back. So be on the lookout for my results for the weekend on Monday!

from my workout with Bobby

Day 11 - New Experiences

So I had my second workout with Carlos yesterday morning. I met him at the studio at 7:45am! I have never worked out that early in my life! But I know this experience is going to be full of firsts. We had a great workout. He worked me hard without a doubt! There were a few times where I was like “holy cow, this is craziness!” I definitely had to push through some weakness. There was one exercise that he wanted me to do (side leg raises while on all fours) that I just couldn’t do. Thursday during Zumba, I felt like I pulled or strained a muscle in my glute. It hurt and I did some stretches and put some heat on it that night. Friday it was a little better, but it was still tender. I thought I’d be okay yesterday, but when Carlos wanted me to do that one exercise, I just couldn’t do it – the pain was still there. Anyway, we adapted and kept going. He concentrated on arms/shoulders and legs. I thought I was sore Monday after his workout – that was nothing compared to today! I think the combination of Bobby Friday then Carlos yesterday really pushed me beyond my comfort level. I love it though! It feels so good to know that my body is being tested and “growing” in ways that I never could have done on my own.

Another new experience was the shopping trip with Laurie last night. I met her at Ingles and she guided me through the grocery store. She helped me pick the right foods, knowing what to get and what to stay away from. We also picked a few foods that I’m not so sure of to see if I’ll like them or not. I came home and unloaded everything, took a few pictures, then made my first “real” Paleo meal. I had scrambled eggs with organic salsa and pan seared pork chops…all cooked in coconut oil. I don’t know how I like the coconut oil just yet. It’s definitely different. There are going to be a lot of different things this month; stuff I’m not used to and doing things so differently. I’m going to try it though. If I don’t like it, I’ll figure something else out! But then again I may find something that I love that I never would have tried or bought before. It’s all about new things and I know it’s worth it. I am blessed to have this opportunity for this transformation and new experiences!

One Day at a Time

Those of you that read my blog know the struggles I posted about on Monday night. Let me just say I am so eternally grateful for all the support you've given me! I know that, in light of my issues, I still have people around me that are concerned and want to see me succeed. I talked to one of those people on the phone last night -- Jessica (my BFF & accountability partner). I knew that she would be able to help me get my head and heart back in the "game". After all, it was a conversation with HER 9 months ago that helped kick my butt into gear and start this journey for real! Being able to talk to her just helped me to refocus my energy and figure out where all this is coming from. I still haven't really figured it out, but I'm taking it one step at a time...one day at a time!

Today was a success. Yes, I went over on my calories, but I didn't feel guilty about it. It wasn't because I over-indulged  or over-ate. Supper wasn't the best choice, but it was okay. My biggest accomplishment today was not eating all the snacks/junk I normally do. It's embarrassing to say, but today is the first day in a while that my snacking calories didn't exceed any of my meal calories. I didn't even have a snack until after lunch today, and then it was pretzels with this new individual chocolate cream cheese cups that I found! Delish! Some of you may not think that's much of an accomplishment, but to me it's HUGE! I had a great workout at Zumba tonight and I'm ready to tackle another day! Right now that's what I have to focus on -- one day at a time. If I look too far ahead, I know I'll get overwhelmed again and go right back to where I was. I can't afford that.


I found these quotes on Jesse Duplantis's Facebook today:

Don't allow the world's ideas to rob you of your self-confidence. The world doesn't know you like your Creator knows you.

The devil is destined to lose and you are anointed to win. Praise God!

Don't give up on yourself...God hasn't.

That last one really got to me. God has faith in me, I just have to realize that and start putting one foot in front of the other again. He is here beside me cheering me on. He is whispering in my ear, "You CAN do this!" I cannot give up! I have too much to fight for. I can't afford to die! I want to LIVE! I'm not out of the woods yet. I still have issues to deal with, but I'm in a better mindset than I have been. I know I will make it through this -- one day at a time...

Willpower

Willpower: energetic determination; the ability to control yourself; strong determination that allows you to do something difficult.

I am going to do my best to be completely honest here, so please bear with me. This is very difficult for me to do, but I have to do something because what I've been doing just isn't working!

I have had a complete LACK of willpower lately. I can't seem to stop myself from doing (eating) things I know I shouldn't. I have gone over on my calories almost every day for probably the past 2 weeks or more -- whether it be from drinks, desserts, or just plain excess food. I realize my overage in calories and tell myself it won't happen again. But it does....day after day after day. I keep telling myself everything is okay and I'll get through this, but the doubts remain. Can I really conquer my willpower issue?? Can I really keep going?? These are the same issues I've faced my entire life and the issues that have kept me at such a heavy weight. I keep telling myself this is the last day; but then I have to finish what's in the house 'cause we bought it; I can't let the money we spent go to waste. BUT THAT'S THE PROBLEM...we bought it! I knew I should have left it on the shelf. I knew I didn't have the willpower to "ration" it out. I knew I couldn't resist the temptation at this point in the game. Why do I consistently do this to myself. I sabotage all the good work and progress I've made so far. Now I feel like I have to start over again. I don't know if I have the determination to do it. I have set my food diary to private because I've been too ashamed to share it with anyone anymore....

I have had a front up and have not been honest with myself, or anyone else really. Like I said, I keep telling myself and blogging that everything is okay. "I've struggled but I'm back on track." Fact is, that's a lie. I'm not okay....everything is NOT okay! How can I be the "inspiration" and "motivation" everyone tells me I am if I continue on like this. This is not who I want to be! Truth is, I know what I need to do -- what I HAVE to do...it's just finding the courage and taking the step to actually do it. I know tonight's blog is part of that step. I have to quit acting like everything is hunky-dory when it's not. I can't get anywhere or accomplish anything by doing that. I have to find my motivation again. I have to realize whole-heartedly again why I'm on this journey. I've lost sight of it all....

Please pray I regain my sight, willpower, and determination.

Blessed

In the midst of trials, it's remarkable how God works and reminds you that you are STILL blessed and highly favored. Some times you hear it directly from Him, or you hear it through a friend's encouraging word, or through a song. I've had it ALL this week. Leah reminded me of His faithfulness in a text and today I was listening to my iPod and I heard a song that I haven't heard in a long time by the Crabb Family. The first and last line (song title) of the chorus just stuck out to me: "In the midst of the storm, He spoke 'Peace be still' and the winds lay at His feet. / When you've done all you can, remember Jesus can do all that you can't." Then I hear God's voice whisper - "I can do it!" It doesn't matter how deep or dark the valley seems to be, God still has control. He won't give you more than you can bear WITHOUT a way of escape! It doesn't matter how many times I fail him, His love is limitless and unconditional. His grace and mercy are unwavering. He never ceases to amaze me!

I am also blessed by the people and opportunities God has placed in my life. It's not coincidence, it's divine intervention! God knew years ago what I would need today. He knew the journey I would be on and the support "staff" that I would need. He took certain situations and made friendships. He put people in my path that I might not have chosen for myself. Had it not been for people I met 10+ years ago, I would not have the push and foundation I need for the journey I am on today. I am thankful for where I am today. I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but I know I'll get there. God has me in the palm of His hand and will continue provide where I need him to; I have no doubt in that whatsoever!

If You Only Knew...

I will admit sincerely that the past couple of days have been rough for me spiritually and emotionally. I have felt like I'm missing out, like I don't belong, like I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going. This has spilled over into my eating as I haven't really paid attention to what I've been eating and basically eating what I want without caring. But you know what.....that's OVER! God never ceases to amaze me and has spoken to me in the midst of my storm. I'm not out of it yet, but instead of hanging my head saying "woe is me," I will take this day as a day the LORD has given me and REJOICE in it!

Music is a passion of mine and I love the way God speaks to me through songs. There have been 3 songs that have spoken to me over the last few days. One I posted Monday - Broken. Another is a brand new song by Mark Condon -- Cover Me. The other is one I have heard countless times before and it really spoke to me. I can't let the devil keep taking what belongs to me! My joy and my peace - I want it ALL back!

I want it all back.

You may have thought you won that last round. You may have laughed. I almost fell down. Maybe you think I give up easy. But it's not over, I got more in me. You thought I stopped. You thought I sat down. But I am standin'! You made me mad now! You got some things I think you owe me. I've come to get back everything that you stole.

I want it all back.

You hit me hard. I should be knocked out. Things I've been through - don't even wanna talk about. You crossed the line. You violated me. I want revenge. I want everything back from A to Z. The battle's not mine. The battle is the Lord's. In the name of JESUS, I'm takin' it by force!

I want it all back!

If you only knew what I was gonna be after the storm you wouldn't have even bothered me!

And now I'm STRONGER. And I got more POWER. I'm a little bit WISER. And I for more STRENGTH. I for the ANOINTING. God God's FAVOR. And we're still STANDING. 

I want it all back!

I'm telling you -- God spoke to me in this song. I can't let the devil take what God has given me. I can't give him my joy, my success, my determination! I'm taking it ALL back and running full force into God's arms! The part I like best is: "Devil, if you only knew what I was gonna be after the storm you wouldn't have even bothered me!"

Through this whole thing, like I said it has affected my weight-loss determination. I still did my Zumba, but I didn't have the will-power to stay away from the "bad" foods. Without God as my focus, I lost focus! I didn't see my success. I just saw the road ahead and became discouraged. Now my mind is back where it needs to be and I am read to RUN! I'm ready to do something about it. I'm ready to do something that takes this journey to the next level. Pray for that if you will. I have an idea in my head, but I'm not sure how receptive an idea it is.

When I went to Zumba Monday, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I didn't look long because I've never liked looking at myself (full-body) in the mirror. I thought something though. I thought -- I can really tell I'm losing weight. I didn't dwell on it much because, at that point, I was still doubting and going through my "battle." But tonight -- I took a second look. I really looked at my full-body in the mirror. Staring back was someone I never thought I would see. I saw a "skinnier" version of ME! I saw someone that likes to exercise. Someone that cares about herself enough to start a journey that she has failed at many times before. And you know what -- I LIKED IT! I really can tell I'm losing weight. I can see the difference...but more importantly, I can FEEL the difference! I know I still have a LONG way to go, but I see the obstacles I've already overcome and I know I can do more!

Broken

I found this song on YouTube last night and it has ministered to my heart so much.  

He'll do it again, just like before.

He'll heal your broken heart.

Your life he can restore.

He'll do it again, 'cause he's your best friend.

He'll never let you down.

Lord, I am broken.

My life is in pieces, but

Your strength is perfect in all of my weakness.

I know I'm broken, but You can heal me.

Jesus! Jesus!

I'm calling You.

I Did It!

That's right -- today was race day -- and I DID IT!!! I will be the first to admit that it was rough. The wrong way me and Jessica went the other week was completely different than the actual course, even though it was just one street over. How crazy is that!? So what I thought was going to be flat was actually uphill, and that was right at the beginning of the course. It was a challenging course, but I actually did it 10 minutes quicker than 2 weeks ago and walked about 1/2 mile longer! I finished in about 70 minutes -- key word being FINISHED!! I am so excited to know that I actually have this 5k under my belt now. I started to get emotional right before the race began and then again as I approached the finish line. I'll admit that there were times that I thought in my head, "I'm last, what's the point?" or "I can't do this anymore." and "Let's just cut through here; no one will know I didn't complete the whole course." But I couldn't do it. I couldn't stop. I couldn't cut out part of the course. There WAS a point to me doing this race. This was MORE than just a race or another day of walking for me -- this was a public declaration that "Yes, I'm obese, but I'm doing something to change it!"

My real disappointment with today's race was with the race organizers. They did not wait for the last person to finish the race (me). They had already taken down the timing system and started the awards ceremony by the time I got to the finish line. What makes it even worse is that, when I looked at the results online, the last recorded person to finish was only like 5 minutes ahead of me -- 5 minutes!! And I know they knew I was still out there...the cops followed us like the whole way! So, I don't really know what my exact time was and my name won't be in the official results....which is a little disheartening. My timing and this race meant just as much to me, if not more, as the first person to cross the finish line. I just have to remember that "Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome." (Booker T. Washington) I had to overcome alot of obstacles to even participate in this race. Even though I finished last, I finished and ultimately that's what matters!

Race Logo

My Race #

the course

shirts they gave us (this is an XL! -- didn't fit, but I got it on ;))

Best Friends! No Excuses! -- before the race
without these 2, there's NO WAY  I could have done this race today!

Leah doing her thing

  

Go Leah! -- she finished in 45min which was her goal.

...here I come...

Let's do this!

Hard Work! Dedication! -- after the race

Thank you to Jessica, Leah, and EVERYONE who has supported me along this journey so far. You will never know how much your encouragement and reinforcement mean to me and my success. I did measure again last night (I do this about every 4-6 weeks) and since September 11th I have lost 24 inches!! :) Please continue to push me as I have a long ways to go still.

...also, thank you to everyone who prayed for today. We kept an eye on the hourly forecast constantly since yesterday and were really worried that it would be storming. God saw fit to hold the rain off until we were done with the race! Thank you, Lord! †