If You Only Knew...

I will admit sincerely that the past couple of days have been rough for me spiritually and emotionally. I have felt like I'm missing out, like I don't belong, like I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going. This has spilled over into my eating as I haven't really paid attention to what I've been eating and basically eating what I want without caring. But you know what.....that's OVER! God never ceases to amaze me and has spoken to me in the midst of my storm. I'm not out of it yet, but instead of hanging my head saying "woe is me," I will take this day as a day the LORD has given me and REJOICE in it!

Music is a passion of mine and I love the way God speaks to me through songs. There have been 3 songs that have spoken to me over the last few days. One I posted Monday - Broken. Another is a brand new song by Mark Condon -- Cover Me. The other is one I have heard countless times before and it really spoke to me. I can't let the devil keep taking what belongs to me! My joy and my peace - I want it ALL back!

I want it all back.

You may have thought you won that last round. You may have laughed. I almost fell down. Maybe you think I give up easy. But it's not over, I got more in me. You thought I stopped. You thought I sat down. But I am standin'! You made me mad now! You got some things I think you owe me. I've come to get back everything that you stole.

I want it all back.

You hit me hard. I should be knocked out. Things I've been through - don't even wanna talk about. You crossed the line. You violated me. I want revenge. I want everything back from A to Z. The battle's not mine. The battle is the Lord's. In the name of JESUS, I'm takin' it by force!

I want it all back!

If you only knew what I was gonna be after the storm you wouldn't have even bothered me!

And now I'm STRONGER. And I got more POWER. I'm a little bit WISER. And I for more STRENGTH. I for the ANOINTING. God God's FAVOR. And we're still STANDING. 

I want it all back!

I'm telling you -- God spoke to me in this song. I can't let the devil take what God has given me. I can't give him my joy, my success, my determination! I'm taking it ALL back and running full force into God's arms! The part I like best is: "Devil, if you only knew what I was gonna be after the storm you wouldn't have even bothered me!"

Through this whole thing, like I said it has affected my weight-loss determination. I still did my Zumba, but I didn't have the will-power to stay away from the "bad" foods. Without God as my focus, I lost focus! I didn't see my success. I just saw the road ahead and became discouraged. Now my mind is back where it needs to be and I am read to RUN! I'm ready to do something about it. I'm ready to do something that takes this journey to the next level. Pray for that if you will. I have an idea in my head, but I'm not sure how receptive an idea it is.

When I went to Zumba Monday, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I didn't look long because I've never liked looking at myself (full-body) in the mirror. I thought something though. I thought -- I can really tell I'm losing weight. I didn't dwell on it much because, at that point, I was still doubting and going through my "battle." But tonight -- I took a second look. I really looked at my full-body in the mirror. Staring back was someone I never thought I would see. I saw a "skinnier" version of ME! I saw someone that likes to exercise. Someone that cares about herself enough to start a journey that she has failed at many times before. And you know what -- I LIKED IT! I really can tell I'm losing weight. I can see the difference...but more importantly, I can FEEL the difference! I know I still have a LONG way to go, but I see the obstacles I've already overcome and I know I can do more!