Reflections

The past couple of weeks have really been a roller coaster for me. I have not been as dedicated to my eating as I should be. It hit me after I stepped on the scale 2 weeks ago. I didn't hit the goal I had set for myself for the past month. Automatically I start thinking about and reflecting on why I failed....

I had been eating too much junk and carb-loaded foods. Some of it was little things, but little things add up! No one really knew what was going on; I really didn't even realize what I was doing. It was almost like I was subconsciously sabotaging my weight-loss. But I finally woke up and realized what was happening. I knew I was on a slippery slope and I had to make the CONSCIOUS decision to stop. I literally had a confessional with my BFF/accountability partner Jessica on Wednesday of last week, and then with my trainers on Thursday. It was tough, but I knew it had to be done. The more people that knew meant more people that could keep me accountable during this phase of my journey.

After my confessionals, I decided to make weekly goals for myself with my food. Last week I made a goal of making sure at least 1/2 of my weekly meals (11 meals) followed the Paleolithic lifestyle. I made it -- I had 12 Paleo meals last week! This week, I have the same goal. It's going to be a little tougher with Thanksgiving, but I'm determined to make it! I HAVE to make it!

This little bump in the road really made me think about where I came from and the progress I have made. Before, my life was all about the junk and carb-loaded foods! I didn't care at all what I ate. I loved my bread, sweets, chocolate, cake, fried foods.....I loved it all. I still enjoy chocolate, but a more natural version and not every day! I still enjoy muffins, breads, cakes, etc - but grain and gluten free! I still enjoy foods that I love, but in a healthier way.

I know my blogs here lately have been about my journey thus far. This Thanksgiving season has really brought be to a point of reflection. I am so very thankful for the opportunity God has given me to turn my life around. It's hard to look back at just over a year ago and see the road I was headed down. I look a pictures and can't believe the difference. I can't believe how a year changes things! I can see the difference in my pictures, but sometimes I don't feel it. I mean, I feel the healthy difference, but can't always feel the "weight" difference. I hope that makes sense.

I hit a snag in the road and begin to doubt things. It's not pretty! But then I get reassurance from people around me that I am doing such a good job, that they are proud of me, that I'm an inspiration to them. It renews my confidence and determination for this journey I am on. Then I try on an XXL t-shirt that I was for sure wouldn't fit, but IT DID!


my XXL shirt!! :)



I begin to look at pictures from when I first started and realize that I am making progress. No matter how I "feel," my body is changing -- for the BETTER! I remember why I am on this journey. I can't go back down that road. I can't go back to where I was. I will die if I do. There will be ups and downs, but it is so worth it! I will one day be the person I know I'm meant to be. In the meantime, I will enjoy this journey and keep pushing forward.

What a difference!!
January 5k (time 71:40) vs November 5k (time 59:30)

OH! I just realized I haven't even told you about the Color Run 5k I did this weekend! OH EM GEE!!!! It was SO MUCH FUN! Jenny couldn't make it, so Erica's mom came and enjoyed the weekend with us. We got up to Charlotte Friday evening to get our race packets. Saturday morning we woke up early, enjoyed a Paleo breakfast (courtesy of my trainer, Laurie!) and headed to Lowe's Motor Speedway for the race. There were so many people - I think they said over 12,000 -- and we all looked the same in our white! I had a goal to finish in under an hour. My 5k time from September was 69:40, so I knew it was going to be a tough challenge trying to cut 10 minutes off. After the first hill, I was doubtful that I would make my goal. Then the second hill hit, and I just knew I wouldn't make it! Well, I finished in 59:30!!! I made it!!!!! I was so stinkin' excited! I honestly didn't think I would after those hills, which I really didn't expect. This was a huge feat for me and I can't wait for my next race!

Collage

Color FUN!

me and my SIL, Amanda - before and after!

Color Throw Celebration

yes, I AM!!

VICTORY!!

Moving Forward

For those of you that follow my story, obviously you’ve noticed that it’s been a while since I’ve blogged. Sorry about that. I have just gotten so wrapped up in my routine that I just forgot to keep you updated. Well, hopefully I’ll catch you up today and stay up to date with my postings.


I didn’t hit the weight loss goal that I wanted to by October 16th, but I was pretty close. I did manage to lose 4 more inches though! I was very happy about that. I think my body is starting to adjust and get used to my workouts. My muscles haven’t felt as “worn out” the past couple of times. That just means I’m going to have to work harder; which is good because it also means I’m getting stronger and healthier. I’m still working on my mile pace.

My Color Run 5k is in 2 weeks! AHHH!! I am so very excited about it and anxious to see what time I end up with. The next 2 weeks are going to be FULL of workouts and running intervals! I’m just excited about that weekend in general. My team (No Excuses – Crystal, Erica, and Jenny) is making it a complete girls’ weekend. We are staying Friday and Saturday night and going to just do some fun stuff together. It is going to be a much needed weekend away for me! I absolutely cannot wait. Crystal actually has another 5k to do on Sunday at Furman with her work. I’ll be going with her to support her in that race as well.

I am still working on getting my eating habits in check. I am following some Paleo “restrictions” but not as much as I need to. I am going to be working on that in the coming weeks as well. I have actually had 2 people approach me recently about helping them to eat healthier. This is just a testament to me on how much my story and journey is reaching and affecting people. I know I say this about every time I blog, but I never thought how sharing my story would influence so many people. It completely amazes me. I hear stories from friends where people say something to them, people that I don’t even know! I am so very thankful for the lives that I am able to reach by sharing my thoughts, my struggles, and my successes. The whole reason I started sharing my story was to hopefully let someone out there know that they are not alone in their journey. I know that, at least for me, it helps to know that someone else has thought what you’ve thought or struggled the way you’re struggling. It also helps to know that the struggles are only temporary and success is on its way!

I have just been so blessed in my journey thus far. I may have failed to meet some of my goals and slipped along the way, but it’s all part of the process. It is inevitable to fail at some things. Life has an ultimate purpose and failure should not keep you from it. The important thing is to learn from it, pick yourself up, and keep going. My journey is not temporary. My journey is the rest of my life. I refuse to let failure rule the rest of my life, it has taken too much of my life already. I will be successful and I will achieve my goals! And you will reach your goals as well, just keep pushing forward. Push through the struggles, push through the rain, and push through the hurt. If you stumble, then take a minute to regain composure and continue along the way. Keep your eye on the little bit of sunshine you see ahead knowing that victory is just around the corner!

I’m not going back. I’m moving ahead. I’m here to declare to you. My past is over. In you, all things are made new. Surrender my life to Christ. I’m moving, moving forward!

Moving Forward – Hezekiah Walker

Willpower

Willpower: energetic determination; the ability to control yourself; strong determination that allows you to do something difficult.

I am going to do my best to be completely honest here, so please bear with me. This is very difficult for me to do, but I have to do something because what I've been doing just isn't working!

I have had a complete LACK of willpower lately. I can't seem to stop myself from doing (eating) things I know I shouldn't. I have gone over on my calories almost every day for probably the past 2 weeks or more -- whether it be from drinks, desserts, or just plain excess food. I realize my overage in calories and tell myself it won't happen again. But it does....day after day after day. I keep telling myself everything is okay and I'll get through this, but the doubts remain. Can I really conquer my willpower issue?? Can I really keep going?? These are the same issues I've faced my entire life and the issues that have kept me at such a heavy weight. I keep telling myself this is the last day; but then I have to finish what's in the house 'cause we bought it; I can't let the money we spent go to waste. BUT THAT'S THE PROBLEM...we bought it! I knew I should have left it on the shelf. I knew I didn't have the willpower to "ration" it out. I knew I couldn't resist the temptation at this point in the game. Why do I consistently do this to myself. I sabotage all the good work and progress I've made so far. Now I feel like I have to start over again. I don't know if I have the determination to do it. I have set my food diary to private because I've been too ashamed to share it with anyone anymore....

I have had a front up and have not been honest with myself, or anyone else really. Like I said, I keep telling myself and blogging that everything is okay. "I've struggled but I'm back on track." Fact is, that's a lie. I'm not okay....everything is NOT okay! How can I be the "inspiration" and "motivation" everyone tells me I am if I continue on like this. This is not who I want to be! Truth is, I know what I need to do -- what I HAVE to do...it's just finding the courage and taking the step to actually do it. I know tonight's blog is part of that step. I have to quit acting like everything is hunky-dory when it's not. I can't get anywhere or accomplish anything by doing that. I have to find my motivation again. I have to realize whole-heartedly again why I'm on this journey. I've lost sight of it all....

Please pray I regain my sight, willpower, and determination.

Failing is not Failure

I saw this quote on Pinterest tonight "Failing is not failure." I needed to see this today. I've felt like a failure in my eating the past week. But you know, I can't let it define my journey! I'm not going to let it! I am who I choose to be -- and that is NOT a failure!

While I can see myself making better choices for myself, I can see that I'm starting to drift back to my old ways of eating. So many times before, this is where I would just give up. I would let myself keep drifting until I didn't care/worry about what I was eating anymore. .....but THIS TIME I am deciding that my health is worth the struggle!

This is a battle that I'm going to be facing for the rest of my life. This is not just a fad diet. This is getting healthy. This is not having to lay dying on a hospital bed because they can't do anything for me due to my weight. This is pushing forward to obtain the goals I've always dreamed of for myself. I can see where I'm going wrong -- now it's up to me to change and get back on the right path. 

I don't care how much power, brilliance, or energy you have, if you don't harness it and focus it on a specific target, and hold it there, you're never going to accomplish as much as your ability warrants

*Zig Ziglar*

Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something to stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.

*Earl Nightingale*

Desire is the key to motivation, but it is determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal - a commitment to excellence - that will enable you to attain the success you seek.

*Mario Andretti*