Reflections

The past couple of weeks have really been a roller coaster for me. I have not been as dedicated to my eating as I should be. It hit me after I stepped on the scale 2 weeks ago. I didn't hit the goal I had set for myself for the past month. Automatically I start thinking about and reflecting on why I failed....

I had been eating too much junk and carb-loaded foods. Some of it was little things, but little things add up! No one really knew what was going on; I really didn't even realize what I was doing. It was almost like I was subconsciously sabotaging my weight-loss. But I finally woke up and realized what was happening. I knew I was on a slippery slope and I had to make the CONSCIOUS decision to stop. I literally had a confessional with my BFF/accountability partner Jessica on Wednesday of last week, and then with my trainers on Thursday. It was tough, but I knew it had to be done. The more people that knew meant more people that could keep me accountable during this phase of my journey.

After my confessionals, I decided to make weekly goals for myself with my food. Last week I made a goal of making sure at least 1/2 of my weekly meals (11 meals) followed the Paleolithic lifestyle. I made it -- I had 12 Paleo meals last week! This week, I have the same goal. It's going to be a little tougher with Thanksgiving, but I'm determined to make it! I HAVE to make it!

This little bump in the road really made me think about where I came from and the progress I have made. Before, my life was all about the junk and carb-loaded foods! I didn't care at all what I ate. I loved my bread, sweets, chocolate, cake, fried foods.....I loved it all. I still enjoy chocolate, but a more natural version and not every day! I still enjoy muffins, breads, cakes, etc - but grain and gluten free! I still enjoy foods that I love, but in a healthier way.

I know my blogs here lately have been about my journey thus far. This Thanksgiving season has really brought be to a point of reflection. I am so very thankful for the opportunity God has given me to turn my life around. It's hard to look back at just over a year ago and see the road I was headed down. I look a pictures and can't believe the difference. I can't believe how a year changes things! I can see the difference in my pictures, but sometimes I don't feel it. I mean, I feel the healthy difference, but can't always feel the "weight" difference. I hope that makes sense.

I hit a snag in the road and begin to doubt things. It's not pretty! But then I get reassurance from people around me that I am doing such a good job, that they are proud of me, that I'm an inspiration to them. It renews my confidence and determination for this journey I am on. Then I try on an XXL t-shirt that I was for sure wouldn't fit, but IT DID!


my XXL shirt!! :)



I begin to look at pictures from when I first started and realize that I am making progress. No matter how I "feel," my body is changing -- for the BETTER! I remember why I am on this journey. I can't go back down that road. I can't go back to where I was. I will die if I do. There will be ups and downs, but it is so worth it! I will one day be the person I know I'm meant to be. In the meantime, I will enjoy this journey and keep pushing forward.

What a difference!!
January 5k (time 71:40) vs November 5k (time 59:30)

OH! I just realized I haven't even told you about the Color Run 5k I did this weekend! OH EM GEE!!!! It was SO MUCH FUN! Jenny couldn't make it, so Erica's mom came and enjoyed the weekend with us. We got up to Charlotte Friday evening to get our race packets. Saturday morning we woke up early, enjoyed a Paleo breakfast (courtesy of my trainer, Laurie!) and headed to Lowe's Motor Speedway for the race. There were so many people - I think they said over 12,000 -- and we all looked the same in our white! I had a goal to finish in under an hour. My 5k time from September was 69:40, so I knew it was going to be a tough challenge trying to cut 10 minutes off. After the first hill, I was doubtful that I would make my goal. Then the second hill hit, and I just knew I wouldn't make it! Well, I finished in 59:30!!! I made it!!!!! I was so stinkin' excited! I honestly didn't think I would after those hills, which I really didn't expect. This was a huge feat for me and I can't wait for my next race!

Collage

Color FUN!

me and my SIL, Amanda - before and after!

Color Throw Celebration

yes, I AM!!

VICTORY!!

One Year

Today marks one year that I have been on my weight-loss journey. It has been one heck of a year. If you don't know my back story, you can read it here. It's just hard to believe that it has actually been a whole year, 12 months, since I started changing my life for the better. It has taken a true mental dedication to stick to this. I know in my head and my heart that if I hadn't started this journey, I might not be alive. That's just the honest truth. My doctor blatantly told me that if things didn't change, I would die early. I didn't want to die, so I changed! My eating habits are completely different than they were 12 months ago. My activity level is MUCH higher than it was last year. I have new friends and stronger friendships. I am blessed to have had the opportunities for healthy living that I have experienced over the past year. I have now have two 5ks under my belt....something I NEVER would have done or imagined I would do this time last year. AND I have a third 5k scheduled for November in Charlotte with a new friend and 2 friends from college. My life is so much better.

I want to thank a few people specifically. First of all - Jessica. I thank God that we met in Spanish class 10 years ago! God knew I would need you in my life for this very reason. You have always been honest with me, even when it hurts -- and I know it has sometimes. You have kept me grounded and focused on my goals. Thank you for always standing by me and continuing to be a TRUE friend.  Leah - thank you for being my walking buddy. You have helped keep me on track as well. Had it not been for you, I would have never hit the pavement. You have pushed me to do extra things that I never thought I would do (Zumba, the 5k). Thank you for your friendship. Laurie - thank you for accepting me in your Zumba class. You have never judged me and I can't even begin to tell you how much that means. You have been so supportive and encouraging. You keep me excited to exercise. Your dedication and commitment to health and fitness is contagious. I only hope I can pass the excitement along! To Bobby and Carlos - thank you for working with me during this transformation over the past 6 weeks. Both of you have really pushed me beyond my limits. I never thought I would run or lift weights like you have made me do. You have a dedication to fitness as well. Thank you for making me realize that I'll never know what I'm capable of until I push beyond the pain.


I have so many other people to thank for all of their encouragement and support. There are so many that have made such an impact on my journey. I would never be able to thank or recognize them all. If you read this blog, THANK YOU! Knowing that my story is reaching others is so encouraging. My whole reason for blogging has become so that people who may be feeling the same way I do or facing the same struggles I am know that they are not alone. It helps so much to know that! Life is about sharing experiences with others and I am thankful I can share mine with each of you.

Labor Day Funk Run



#60

 Well I did it - I completed another 5k. Let me just tell you, this one was tough. I went into the race yesterday not fully prepared but I knew I could do it. I started the race, no problem. It was hilly, but I was pushing through. About halfway through, my feet were really hurting, specifically the balls of my feet. I felt like they were on fire and every step got worse. I kept singing the Praise & Worship songs on my playlist and praying for God to ease the pain. I had two goals for this race: not to stop and to finish with a better time than in January and I was very close to not accomplishing either one. I was about two thirds of the way through the race and who do I see ahead but my trainer Bobby coming back to get me. I was literally in tears at this point. I just about felt like I couldn’t go any farther and God sent him to help me push through. I would have finished regardless, but I definitely wouldn’t have finished in better time had Bobby not come back. He talked to me and kept my mind off how bad my feet were hurting. So I accomplished BOTH goals today – I never stopped and I finished 2 solid minutes ahead of my January time!

the reason my feet were hurting - yep, a HUGE blister full of blood!

 Yesterday’s race meant a lot to me. It wasn’t just achieving my goals; it was more than that. It was a boost in confidence. There were so many people that kept encouraging me along the way. The church (UAG) that sponsored the race had cheerleaders along the route, which was great, but it was the other participants. Every time I turned around there was someone giving me an extra boost. “You’re doing great.” “Keep going.” “You got this.” I can’t tell you how much that meant and what it added to my determination. It helped me when my feet first started hurting. I knew I just had to keep pushing.

I did this race “by myself.” My brother was going to walk with me, but he decided to run and I was going to walk with his mother-in-law. When the race started, she had a faster pace than me so she went on. Deep down, I knew I had to do this on my own anyway. I had to prove to myself that I could do it without anyone by my side, without relying on someone to be there for me to lean on when I got tired. I had to make up my own mind that this was MY race. Yes, my trainer came back to push me to the end, but he wasn’t my crutch. I knew I would finish had he come back or not. He just came to kick me to finish strong, and finish strong I did!

People tell me all the time, “I wish I had your determination.” All it takes is a little work. You have to realize that you have a purpose in this life. Right now, my purpose is to live and in order to live this is what I have to do. I have to work hard to lose weight. I have to lose weight to literally stay alive. When the way you’ve been living isn’t working anymore, you know something has to change. If you don’t change, you’ll die. Plain and simple. Not wanting to die drives my determination. Find your drive. Find your purpose.

I Did It!

That's right -- today was race day -- and I DID IT!!! I will be the first to admit that it was rough. The wrong way me and Jessica went the other week was completely different than the actual course, even though it was just one street over. How crazy is that!? So what I thought was going to be flat was actually uphill, and that was right at the beginning of the course. It was a challenging course, but I actually did it 10 minutes quicker than 2 weeks ago and walked about 1/2 mile longer! I finished in about 70 minutes -- key word being FINISHED!! I am so excited to know that I actually have this 5k under my belt now. I started to get emotional right before the race began and then again as I approached the finish line. I'll admit that there were times that I thought in my head, "I'm last, what's the point?" or "I can't do this anymore." and "Let's just cut through here; no one will know I didn't complete the whole course." But I couldn't do it. I couldn't stop. I couldn't cut out part of the course. There WAS a point to me doing this race. This was MORE than just a race or another day of walking for me -- this was a public declaration that "Yes, I'm obese, but I'm doing something to change it!"

My real disappointment with today's race was with the race organizers. They did not wait for the last person to finish the race (me). They had already taken down the timing system and started the awards ceremony by the time I got to the finish line. What makes it even worse is that, when I looked at the results online, the last recorded person to finish was only like 5 minutes ahead of me -- 5 minutes!! And I know they knew I was still out there...the cops followed us like the whole way! So, I don't really know what my exact time was and my name won't be in the official results....which is a little disheartening. My timing and this race meant just as much to me, if not more, as the first person to cross the finish line. I just have to remember that "Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome." (Booker T. Washington) I had to overcome alot of obstacles to even participate in this race. Even though I finished last, I finished and ultimately that's what matters!

Race Logo

My Race #

the course

shirts they gave us (this is an XL! -- didn't fit, but I got it on ;))

Best Friends! No Excuses! -- before the race
without these 2, there's NO WAY  I could have done this race today!

Leah doing her thing

  

Go Leah! -- she finished in 45min which was her goal.

...here I come...

Let's do this!

Hard Work! Dedication! -- after the race

Thank you to Jessica, Leah, and EVERYONE who has supported me along this journey so far. You will never know how much your encouragement and reinforcement mean to me and my success. I did measure again last night (I do this about every 4-6 weeks) and since September 11th I have lost 24 inches!! :) Please continue to push me as I have a long ways to go still.

...also, thank you to everyone who prayed for today. We kept an eye on the hourly forecast constantly since yesterday and were really worried that it would be storming. God saw fit to hold the rain off until we were done with the race! Thank you, Lord! †