8 Months of Loss

Sorry it's been so long since I last posted. I'm without internet at home, so it's a rare occasion that I'm able to get online to do things like this nowadays. Anyway....not much has happened since I last blogged except for measuring last night. I have shed another 2.25 inches. It was my lowest month since I started, but I'll gladly take it. It's a loss! I've had consistent loss over the past 8 months which is absolutely amazing. I can't believe my progress and am completely astounded.

I am blessed to have all the support that I have had since I began this journey back in September. I have had support and encouragement from people that I never would have expected....people that God placed in my life 10 or more years ago. He knew the journey I would be on today and placed the people in my life that He knew would help me along and uplift me. PLUS, He has put NEW people in my life that I am blessed to be sharing this journey with also. I am doing things I never thought I would do or could ever imagine! I am just truly blessed that I have made it this far and am excited for my future. I am taking my life back and enjoying the ride!!

One Day at a Time

Those of you that read my blog know the struggles I posted about on Monday night. Let me just say I am so eternally grateful for all the support you've given me! I know that, in light of my issues, I still have people around me that are concerned and want to see me succeed. I talked to one of those people on the phone last night -- Jessica (my BFF & accountability partner). I knew that she would be able to help me get my head and heart back in the "game". After all, it was a conversation with HER 9 months ago that helped kick my butt into gear and start this journey for real! Being able to talk to her just helped me to refocus my energy and figure out where all this is coming from. I still haven't really figured it out, but I'm taking it one step at a time...one day at a time!

Today was a success. Yes, I went over on my calories, but I didn't feel guilty about it. It wasn't because I over-indulged  or over-ate. Supper wasn't the best choice, but it was okay. My biggest accomplishment today was not eating all the snacks/junk I normally do. It's embarrassing to say, but today is the first day in a while that my snacking calories didn't exceed any of my meal calories. I didn't even have a snack until after lunch today, and then it was pretzels with this new individual chocolate cream cheese cups that I found! Delish! Some of you may not think that's much of an accomplishment, but to me it's HUGE! I had a great workout at Zumba tonight and I'm ready to tackle another day! Right now that's what I have to focus on -- one day at a time. If I look too far ahead, I know I'll get overwhelmed again and go right back to where I was. I can't afford that.


I found these quotes on Jesse Duplantis's Facebook today:

Don't allow the world's ideas to rob you of your self-confidence. The world doesn't know you like your Creator knows you.

The devil is destined to lose and you are anointed to win. Praise God!

Don't give up on yourself...God hasn't.

That last one really got to me. God has faith in me, I just have to realize that and start putting one foot in front of the other again. He is here beside me cheering me on. He is whispering in my ear, "You CAN do this!" I cannot give up! I have too much to fight for. I can't afford to die! I want to LIVE! I'm not out of the woods yet. I still have issues to deal with, but I'm in a better mindset than I have been. I know I will make it through this -- one day at a time...

Blessed

In the midst of trials, it's remarkable how God works and reminds you that you are STILL blessed and highly favored. Some times you hear it directly from Him, or you hear it through a friend's encouraging word, or through a song. I've had it ALL this week. Leah reminded me of His faithfulness in a text and today I was listening to my iPod and I heard a song that I haven't heard in a long time by the Crabb Family. The first and last line (song title) of the chorus just stuck out to me: "In the midst of the storm, He spoke 'Peace be still' and the winds lay at His feet. / When you've done all you can, remember Jesus can do all that you can't." Then I hear God's voice whisper - "I can do it!" It doesn't matter how deep or dark the valley seems to be, God still has control. He won't give you more than you can bear WITHOUT a way of escape! It doesn't matter how many times I fail him, His love is limitless and unconditional. His grace and mercy are unwavering. He never ceases to amaze me!

I am also blessed by the people and opportunities God has placed in my life. It's not coincidence, it's divine intervention! God knew years ago what I would need today. He knew the journey I would be on and the support "staff" that I would need. He took certain situations and made friendships. He put people in my path that I might not have chosen for myself. Had it not been for people I met 10+ years ago, I would not have the push and foundation I need for the journey I am on today. I am thankful for where I am today. I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but I know I'll get there. God has me in the palm of His hand and will continue provide where I need him to; I have no doubt in that whatsoever!

If You Only Knew...

I will admit sincerely that the past couple of days have been rough for me spiritually and emotionally. I have felt like I'm missing out, like I don't belong, like I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going. This has spilled over into my eating as I haven't really paid attention to what I've been eating and basically eating what I want without caring. But you know what.....that's OVER! God never ceases to amaze me and has spoken to me in the midst of my storm. I'm not out of it yet, but instead of hanging my head saying "woe is me," I will take this day as a day the LORD has given me and REJOICE in it!

Music is a passion of mine and I love the way God speaks to me through songs. There have been 3 songs that have spoken to me over the last few days. One I posted Monday - Broken. Another is a brand new song by Mark Condon -- Cover Me. The other is one I have heard countless times before and it really spoke to me. I can't let the devil keep taking what belongs to me! My joy and my peace - I want it ALL back!

I want it all back.

You may have thought you won that last round. You may have laughed. I almost fell down. Maybe you think I give up easy. But it's not over, I got more in me. You thought I stopped. You thought I sat down. But I am standin'! You made me mad now! You got some things I think you owe me. I've come to get back everything that you stole.

I want it all back.

You hit me hard. I should be knocked out. Things I've been through - don't even wanna talk about. You crossed the line. You violated me. I want revenge. I want everything back from A to Z. The battle's not mine. The battle is the Lord's. In the name of JESUS, I'm takin' it by force!

I want it all back!

If you only knew what I was gonna be after the storm you wouldn't have even bothered me!

And now I'm STRONGER. And I got more POWER. I'm a little bit WISER. And I for more STRENGTH. I for the ANOINTING. God God's FAVOR. And we're still STANDING. 

I want it all back!

I'm telling you -- God spoke to me in this song. I can't let the devil take what God has given me. I can't give him my joy, my success, my determination! I'm taking it ALL back and running full force into God's arms! The part I like best is: "Devil, if you only knew what I was gonna be after the storm you wouldn't have even bothered me!"

Through this whole thing, like I said it has affected my weight-loss determination. I still did my Zumba, but I didn't have the will-power to stay away from the "bad" foods. Without God as my focus, I lost focus! I didn't see my success. I just saw the road ahead and became discouraged. Now my mind is back where it needs to be and I am read to RUN! I'm ready to do something about it. I'm ready to do something that takes this journey to the next level. Pray for that if you will. I have an idea in my head, but I'm not sure how receptive an idea it is.

When I went to Zumba Monday, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I didn't look long because I've never liked looking at myself (full-body) in the mirror. I thought something though. I thought -- I can really tell I'm losing weight. I didn't dwell on it much because, at that point, I was still doubting and going through my "battle." But tonight -- I took a second look. I really looked at my full-body in the mirror. Staring back was someone I never thought I would see. I saw a "skinnier" version of ME! I saw someone that likes to exercise. Someone that cares about herself enough to start a journey that she has failed at many times before. And you know what -- I LIKED IT! I really can tell I'm losing weight. I can see the difference...but more importantly, I can FEEL the difference! I know I still have a LONG way to go, but I see the obstacles I've already overcome and I know I can do more!

Broken

I found this song on YouTube last night and it has ministered to my heart so much.  

He'll do it again, just like before.

He'll heal your broken heart.

Your life he can restore.

He'll do it again, 'cause he's your best friend.

He'll never let you down.

Lord, I am broken.

My life is in pieces, but

Your strength is perfect in all of my weakness.

I know I'm broken, but You can heal me.

Jesus! Jesus!

I'm calling You.

Prayers

I'm not exactly sure what to write tonight because I'm not even really sure what/how I'm feeling right now. I am just kinda in a "funk" mentally, emotionally, spiritually. It's almost like I have a million things running around in my head and heart and I can't pinpoint what they really are. All I know is that I don't like feeling this way. I can't be productive feeling this way. I know God can help me through this. I ask tonight for your supportive prayers.

I am blessed to have friends and the TRUE friendships that I have. I also appreciate every one of you that reads this blog and prays for me (not just tonight, but anytime) -- God knows each of you and I pray he blesses you wherever you are. Thank you for your continued support!

Progress

As I was on my way home from Zumba tonight, I really started thinking about my journey over the past 6 months. First off, I can't believe it's actually been that long -- it has been amazing! I see a change and difference in myself that I never really thought I would ever see or feel. I have started countless diets and exercised, but I always quit. Habits are hard to make and break, and up until now I didn't think it was possible to change them....but I HAVE! I am no where near where I want to be and some habits are still hard to break...but I'm working on it. This is more than just diet and exercise -- this is my LIFE now. Healthy foods are in the forefront of my mind and exercise is like second nature to me now. I can't even tell you how bad I feel when I miss a workout/Zumba. As much as it "hurts" to exercise sometimes, it hurts worse knowing that if my life doesn't change I won't be ABLE to exercise.

Like I said, I am no where near where I want to be in my life (all aspects), but I can most certainly see the progress. I can actually see where I've lost the inches. I can feel a difference in my body. I can feel my stamina building. When I first started doing Zumba, I'll admit - I was scared. I knew my overweight self wouldn't be able to keep up with all the "little" bodies in class...but I did it anyway. I kept going and kept going...and NOW, I can double time with [most] the best of them! When I started walking, I got winded and needed to stop just walking a mile. NOW, I can do two miles without needing a "break." Heck, I even completed a 5k...and plan on doing another one soon! I'm not the best dancer or the fastest walker, but I'm proud of what I can do now. I can honestly say that I am excited to go back to the cardiologist and tell him what all has happened in the past 6 months! :) I am blessed beyond measure, and am excited to see what I'll do next...

God's Blessing

You know, I look back at all the happenings in my life since high school and I can see God's hand in all of it. What I thought was the "love" of my life since HS loving someone else who became my best friend....hating Erskine during Business School to getting a full ride....losing all my scholarships, but still providing the funds for me to stay at there....being in Spanish classes with upperclassmen who became my closest friends....a caring gynecologist who referred me to a point-blank cardiologist....a pregnant friend that pushed through a 5k with me....being unemployed for over a year and allowing me to help care for my premature nephew....giving me a job that I ended up dreading going in to but giving me friendships that will last outside of that place.....friendships that lead to new opportunities....a new job that will lead to GREATER possibilities and blessings....

I'm just being honest with you -- had it not been for God allowing/providing specific events in my life, I would not be where I am today with the friends that keep me going. I cannot even begin to express my many thanks to God for his bountiful blessings in my life over the past few months and even years. I thank God for my experiences at my previous job(s) -- both good and bad. I have learned from them and grown into who I am today. I thank God for my college experience and education. It led me to one of my most faithful friends! I thank God for Thirty-One. It has renewed friendships, provided new experiences, and rewarding opportunities. And, as strange as it may seem, I thank God for annual check-ups and high-blood pressure. God has used doctor appointments to open my eyes and jump start me on a journey that I know I should have started a LONG time ago. God has completely changed my life over the past year especially. I cannot wait to see what the next year holds!

God Still Works

As most of you know, I am pretty unhappy in the job where I currently work. Well, let me just tell you that God still works in His own timing. I was presented with a job opportunity this week that I was totally not expecting! It all happened VERY quickly. I found out about the job and filled out my application/sent my resume on Tuesday. I was supposed to have an interview Wednesday but it got pushed to Friday at 4pm. By 5:15 Friday afternoon, I knew I had the job! You can't tell me that God isn't faithful!! I am so completely thrilled to be getting out of a drama-filled workplace where I wasn't even being used to my full potential and into a job that is more along the lines of what I went to school for. I will completely miss the people I worked with. Those that know me, and really care, know that I really need to do this. I mean, when someone says "I have noticed lately that you haven't been smiling much. Hope you get your smile back." -- that's a pretty good indicator that something's not right. It was time for a change and it came at the perfect time. I thank God for this opportunity and pray I do Him honor and that He is able to use me in this new environment. Oh! and I start tomorrow (Monday)!

Frustrated

I am really struggling right now and ask for your prayers. It is not necessarily with my weight-loss journey, but something going on in my life -- mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. I am conflicted with where I am right now in a couple of different situations in my life. I just don't know what to do or how to feel. I am frustrated with it all.  I'm not sure where to go from here because, frankly, I don't necessarily know where "here" is right now or where to even start. There's a lot going on in my mind and the environment around me. Honestly -- I'm confused. I'm discouraged. I'm conflicted. I'm an outsider. I hate feeling this way! I really need your prayers for God to show me His will, what I need to do, and to strengthen me.

I Dare You!

I was watching another video on YouTube of the song "New Season" and this was the preacher's preface to the song...

God is getting ready to tear the veil off the Heavenlies and what has been held up is getting ready to be released. The people that have been under are getting ready to come up over. Those that have been forgotten are gonna be remembered. The enemy has held back generations long enough, but God is about ready to give us a NEW season. A season of power! A season of prosperity! A season where what has been taken from you has got to be brought back to you. I dare you to praise God like you know that it's already here!

It's a new season. Are you claiming all that's yours??

New Season

Okay, so if you've read my blog from last week, then you know how frustrated I am with my job right now. Well, we've also been in a spontaneous revival at my church this week. I wasn't able to go Monday and Tuesday, but when I went Wednesday -- OMG! God knew I was going to be there and He knew exactly what I needed to hear because the evangelist preached right to me. Have you ever been there before? It's scary yet comforting at the same time -- to know that God is speaking to YOU and telling you exactly what you need to hear and do for exactly what is going on in your life at that specific moment! The preacher even started singing a song that I have found encouraging so many times before but haven't heard in a while....

I'm telling you, God moved in that service Wednesday night! God gave me the job I have right now, and I gave it back to him that night. He knows I can't handle all the drama and can only make it with his help. This is a just season and my NEW season is coming!! God has bigger and better for me! Satan doesn't like it either because today he attacked me at work so hard. I was literally singing this song at my desk....and God helped me make it through. I know it's not going to be easy waiting, but HE will help me through!

The devil's time is up, no longer can he bother me.

'Cause the controller of the universe He fathers me.

And it's transferable, your children's children will be free.

It's a new season.

If you don't know it now, you need to know it's Jubilee. 

Your debts at cancelled and your children walk in victory.

It's all available to you right now, just taste and see.

It's a new season!

It's a new season. It's a new day.

Fresh anointing, is flowing my way.

It's a season of power and prosperity.

It's a new season coming to me!