Frustrated

I am really struggling right now and ask for your prayers. It is not necessarily with my weight-loss journey, but something going on in my life -- mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. I am conflicted with where I am right now in a couple of different situations in my life. I just don't know what to do or how to feel. I am frustrated with it all.  I'm not sure where to go from here because, frankly, I don't necessarily know where "here" is right now or where to even start. There's a lot going on in my mind and the environment around me. Honestly -- I'm confused. I'm discouraged. I'm conflicted. I'm an outsider. I hate feeling this way! I really need your prayers for God to show me His will, what I need to do, and to strengthen me.

Extra Push

It is no secret that the past few weeks have not been great for me. They have been a huge roller coaster ride, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. My life is a journey and my journey to weight-loss and health is a daily struggle. I've been this way all my life, it's hard to change habits. It's hard to change the way you think about food, how you eat, and your level of activity after doing it the same way for almost 29 years. It is tough and that's why I have brought you along on this journey. I want to share my ups and downs with you. This is hard to say/do, and not meaning this in a self-centered way - but I want everyone to see my struggles and the fight it takes to get it right. There is someone out there that needs to know that someone else is on the same journey or has been exactly where they are -- whether they read this today or 5 years down the road. Someone out there needs to know that it's okay to fail but you are not a failure unless you give up!

Along with the struggles, I want to share my victories! As I have blogged before, I completed a 5k on January 21st. I mentioned that day that I had lost a total of 24 inches since 9/11/12. Well, as of last night, that number is up to 28.75! In the midst of a challenging month, I have lost another 4.75 inches! This is the exact reason that it is essential to keep pushing. And when you don't think you have anything left in you, KEEP PUSHING! Trust me -- you'll be surprised -- the strength will come! One little victory will give you the reinforcement that you need to keep going. There's a country song by Rodney Atkins: If you're going through hell, keep on moving. Face that fire. Walk right through it. You might get out before the devil even knows you're there. It might seem like hell in the battles and struggles that you face, but before you know it you'll be on the other side wondering how in the world you made it through! Take one step at a time. It's a process -- physically and mentally -- but eventually we'll make it!

Daddy

Not many people know that I've grown up all my life without a father. He passed away when my mom was 6 months pregnant with me. Some may say "how can you miss what you never had?". The truth is I miss it every day. I miss it in a little girl as she hangs on to her daddy's leg. I miss it when a daddy plays in the floor with his little girl. I miss it when a teenager goes to her prom or on a date. I miss it when I graduated from high school and college I miss it when a daughter gets flowers from her daddy on Valentine's day. I miss it every single day.

I often wonder how my life would be different if my dad was still alive. I wonder if I would be living in SC. I wonder if I would be overweight. I wonder if my life would still have the difficulties I face today...

There is so much that runs through my mind when I start thinking about my dad and the life of a daughter with one vs. one without. Sometimes I wish I could just see him and talk to him...but for now I go to bed crying and wondering.........

I Am Who I Am

My honest statement: My weight/health is what it is because I ate what I ate and didn't do what I should have done. I'm changing that now. I have been on this journey whole-heartedly since September 11, 2011. I kinda started before that, but that date is when I consciously made the decision to attack this thing full-force. That is the day I first measured....my starting point. One thing that I keep in my head is that "The only thing standing in the way of me is ME!"

This is a personal journey that only I can take. No one can do it for me. I have to be the one to change. I have to be the one to eat different. I have to be the one to get out and walk. I have to be the one to do the exercises. But even though this is a personal journey, it is SO beneficial to have someone walking with me....literally and figuratively. So I cannot even begin to tell you how much it means to have an accountability partner! If you're on a similar journey, I encourage you to get one if you don't already. I'll be glad to stand by you if you can't find one. It has made such a difference in my decisions and confidence. If it were not for Jessica and Leah, my 2 main partners, I can pretty much guarantee that I would have given up a long time ago!

This journey is HARD, it gets discouraging, I have failed -- but with people by my side, it's easier to get back up and keep going. They push me, support me, criticize me, encourage me....I am blessed to have them on this journey with me. I'm sure you're saying to yourself, "Criticize you??" YES, the provide me with criticisms that I wouldn't accept from anyone else.  One of my favorite quotes right now is this: Cherish the friend who tells you a harsh truth, wanting ten times more to tell you a loving lie. *Robert Brault* I am lucky to have them be truthful to me. Yes, it's hard sometimes, but I know they love me. I know this because they tell me the truth and don't beat around the bush with me or try to sugar-coat things. It's scary, but I know they're behind me 100% -- success or fail...and they push me so I don't fail!

It feels so good to finally get back on track with paying more attention to what I am eating and putting in my body and exercising. I'll admit, the past few weeks have not been great. But I can tell you why -- I didn't have any goals. I hadn't sat down, talked it out, and committedly decided what I would be working on. I have some set goals now though. They are:

1. Eat out only 3 times/week.
2. Eat less than 3 snacks/day.
3. Exercise 4 times/week.
4. Blog 4 times/week.
5. Drink more water!

It is so important to have goals. And it takes a plan to achieve your goals. I encourage you to take some time, sit down, and map out your goals. It doesn't have to necessarily be for weight-loss, it could be for your career or just life in general. Just DO IT!!!!

FOCUS

I've been sitting here with my blog up ready to post, but am just not sure how to put into words what I'm feeling/thinking. I haven't felt that great today. I haven't logged my calories for a couple of days, so I feel guilty about that. I didn't go walk today or do any other workout, so I'm bummed about that. The more I think about it, the more I realize that the days I don't workout are the days I feel the worst!

"Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy."

*Legally Blonde*

I've come to the realization that working out keeps my mind on track. I feel like I'm actually doing something to change my life -- more accomplished. I've got to quit making excuses and letting things stop me from getting out there and doing what I'm supposed to do! I've got to do what makes me happy....and that's not food anymore! If I slack off on exercising, that's exactly where my mind goes. I'm starting to lose control and I cannot let that happen! So what I'm asking of you is this -- ASK me if I've worked out today. KEEP me accountable. Yes, I'm doing this for myself, but sometimes I just need that extra PUSH!

I did a devotion at a women's retreat a couple of years ago and my title was this: FOCUS. Faith Overcomes Circumstances and Undermines Satan! I have to stay focused. I cannot go back to my old way of living, eating, doing things. I have to keep moving forward no matter what tries to get in my way. I have to turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones. I have to keep going. I cannot let the best be behind me -- MY BEST is yet to come!