Failing is not Failure

I saw this quote on Pinterest tonight "Failing is not failure." I needed to see this today. I've felt like a failure in my eating the past week. But you know, I can't let it define my journey! I'm not going to let it! I am who I choose to be -- and that is NOT a failure!

While I can see myself making better choices for myself, I can see that I'm starting to drift back to my old ways of eating. So many times before, this is where I would just give up. I would let myself keep drifting until I didn't care/worry about what I was eating anymore. .....but THIS TIME I am deciding that my health is worth the struggle!

This is a battle that I'm going to be facing for the rest of my life. This is not just a fad diet. This is getting healthy. This is not having to lay dying on a hospital bed because they can't do anything for me due to my weight. This is pushing forward to obtain the goals I've always dreamed of for myself. I can see where I'm going wrong -- now it's up to me to change and get back on the right path. 

I don't care how much power, brilliance, or energy you have, if you don't harness it and focus it on a specific target, and hold it there, you're never going to accomplish as much as your ability warrants

*Zig Ziglar*

Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something to stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.

*Earl Nightingale*

Desire is the key to motivation, but it is determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal - a commitment to excellence - that will enable you to attain the success you seek.

*Mario Andretti*

Prayers

I come to you tonight coveting your prayers. I am so frustrated with life right now....not just in my eating but in my job.

I hate the environment at my job. There is so much inequality, double standards, no existence of professionalism, gossip, backbiting, DRAMA....I could go on and on. I know people from work will read this blog, but not a single one of them can deny the facts. My boss (I won't name names) is a complete jerk. (S)He has no respect for me or my coworkers. (S)He is completely unprofessional. Sometimes, (s)he might show an ounce of dignity, but that doesn't last long. (S)He always has other people doing their job or is never around. You can't voice your concerns because nothing gets done about it or everyone ends up knowing what you spoke in PRIVATE about. I'm just tired of it all. This is not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life....this is not what I went to school for. I dread going to work. I came into this job after being out of work for a year and a half. I was promised there were bigger and better things planned for me here. None of it has happened. It is all empty promises and I'm not the only one they've done this to. I want to walk out and never look back....but I know I can't do that....

...trying not to let hate consume me...

Lord, I know you are making me endure this for a reason.

Please help me hold out for the TRUE bigger & better

that YOU have in store for me.

So True!

Emotional Limbo

It's been a rough couple of days....heck, the past week really! I feel like I've failed myself in the way I've eaten. I've been very active, but almost feel like I've negated it all. . I haven't gone completely overboard, but it's not been pretty. I'm just frustrated with myself. I can see where I've cut back, but I also see where I've slipped up. While I'm still logging my calories, it's like I forget about what I'm eating until it's time to put it all in at the end of the day. Then I feel like kicking myself. I don't know...maybe I'm being too hard on myself....maybe I'm not being hard enough.

When I measured Friday, I lost an additional 3.5" but I'm kinda disappointed. I know it's a loss and I should be happy, but I want more. Everyone tells me they can see me losing weight, and I can see it too. But sometimes I still see this big blob doing nothing with her life.

I'm just in emotional limbo right now. I'm proud of what I'm finally doing with my life and the accomplishments I've made thus far, but I just know there's a LONG road ahead of me. I'm trying to stay positive and not to get burned out. I know the success that I long for will ultimately come.... I can't lie -- it's HARD and grueling process, but I've dedicated myself to doing it. I just have to get back up and keep trudging along. Please just keep me in your prayers and the encouragement coming! I feed from it!

I Never Thought

I never thought in a million years that people would ever think of me as an inspiration or motivational. I have never really done anything with my life that warranted such high thoughts and admiration. And even now, people keep telling me all this and it's hard for me to grasp. I'm just living my life, trying to save it, and sharing my journey with others.

I Did It!

That's right -- today was race day -- and I DID IT!!! I will be the first to admit that it was rough. The wrong way me and Jessica went the other week was completely different than the actual course, even though it was just one street over. How crazy is that!? So what I thought was going to be flat was actually uphill, and that was right at the beginning of the course. It was a challenging course, but I actually did it 10 minutes quicker than 2 weeks ago and walked about 1/2 mile longer! I finished in about 70 minutes -- key word being FINISHED!! I am so excited to know that I actually have this 5k under my belt now. I started to get emotional right before the race began and then again as I approached the finish line. I'll admit that there were times that I thought in my head, "I'm last, what's the point?" or "I can't do this anymore." and "Let's just cut through here; no one will know I didn't complete the whole course." But I couldn't do it. I couldn't stop. I couldn't cut out part of the course. There WAS a point to me doing this race. This was MORE than just a race or another day of walking for me -- this was a public declaration that "Yes, I'm obese, but I'm doing something to change it!"

My real disappointment with today's race was with the race organizers. They did not wait for the last person to finish the race (me). They had already taken down the timing system and started the awards ceremony by the time I got to the finish line. What makes it even worse is that, when I looked at the results online, the last recorded person to finish was only like 5 minutes ahead of me -- 5 minutes!! And I know they knew I was still out there...the cops followed us like the whole way! So, I don't really know what my exact time was and my name won't be in the official results....which is a little disheartening. My timing and this race meant just as much to me, if not more, as the first person to cross the finish line. I just have to remember that "Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome." (Booker T. Washington) I had to overcome alot of obstacles to even participate in this race. Even though I finished last, I finished and ultimately that's what matters!

Race Logo

My Race #

the course

shirts they gave us (this is an XL! -- didn't fit, but I got it on ;))

Best Friends! No Excuses! -- before the race
without these 2, there's NO WAY  I could have done this race today!

Leah doing her thing

  

Go Leah! -- she finished in 45min which was her goal.

...here I come...

Let's do this!

Hard Work! Dedication! -- after the race

Thank you to Jessica, Leah, and EVERYONE who has supported me along this journey so far. You will never know how much your encouragement and reinforcement mean to me and my success. I did measure again last night (I do this about every 4-6 weeks) and since September 11th I have lost 24 inches!! :) Please continue to push me as I have a long ways to go still.

...also, thank you to everyone who prayed for today. We kept an eye on the hourly forecast constantly since yesterday and were really worried that it would be storming. God saw fit to hold the rain off until we were done with the race! Thank you, Lord! †