Failing is not Failure

I saw this quote on Pinterest tonight "Failing is not failure." I needed to see this today. I've felt like a failure in my eating the past week. But you know, I can't let it define my journey! I'm not going to let it! I am who I choose to be -- and that is NOT a failure!

While I can see myself making better choices for myself, I can see that I'm starting to drift back to my old ways of eating. So many times before, this is where I would just give up. I would let myself keep drifting until I didn't care/worry about what I was eating anymore. .....but THIS TIME I am deciding that my health is worth the struggle!

This is a battle that I'm going to be facing for the rest of my life. This is not just a fad diet. This is getting healthy. This is not having to lay dying on a hospital bed because they can't do anything for me due to my weight. This is pushing forward to obtain the goals I've always dreamed of for myself. I can see where I'm going wrong -- now it's up to me to change and get back on the right path. 

I don't care how much power, brilliance, or energy you have, if you don't harness it and focus it on a specific target, and hold it there, you're never going to accomplish as much as your ability warrants

*Zig Ziglar*

Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something to stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.

*Earl Nightingale*

Desire is the key to motivation, but it is determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal - a commitment to excellence - that will enable you to attain the success you seek.

*Mario Andretti*

Prayers

I come to you tonight coveting your prayers. I am so frustrated with life right now....not just in my eating but in my job.

I hate the environment at my job. There is so much inequality, double standards, no existence of professionalism, gossip, backbiting, DRAMA....I could go on and on. I know people from work will read this blog, but not a single one of them can deny the facts. My boss (I won't name names) is a complete jerk. (S)He has no respect for me or my coworkers. (S)He is completely unprofessional. Sometimes, (s)he might show an ounce of dignity, but that doesn't last long. (S)He always has other people doing their job or is never around. You can't voice your concerns because nothing gets done about it or everyone ends up knowing what you spoke in PRIVATE about. I'm just tired of it all. This is not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life....this is not what I went to school for. I dread going to work. I came into this job after being out of work for a year and a half. I was promised there were bigger and better things planned for me here. None of it has happened. It is all empty promises and I'm not the only one they've done this to. I want to walk out and never look back....but I know I can't do that....

...trying not to let hate consume me...

Lord, I know you are making me endure this for a reason.

Please help me hold out for the TRUE bigger & better

that YOU have in store for me.

So True!

Emotional Limbo

It's been a rough couple of days....heck, the past week really! I feel like I've failed myself in the way I've eaten. I've been very active, but almost feel like I've negated it all. . I haven't gone completely overboard, but it's not been pretty. I'm just frustrated with myself. I can see where I've cut back, but I also see where I've slipped up. While I'm still logging my calories, it's like I forget about what I'm eating until it's time to put it all in at the end of the day. Then I feel like kicking myself. I don't know...maybe I'm being too hard on myself....maybe I'm not being hard enough.

When I measured Friday, I lost an additional 3.5" but I'm kinda disappointed. I know it's a loss and I should be happy, but I want more. Everyone tells me they can see me losing weight, and I can see it too. But sometimes I still see this big blob doing nothing with her life.

I'm just in emotional limbo right now. I'm proud of what I'm finally doing with my life and the accomplishments I've made thus far, but I just know there's a LONG road ahead of me. I'm trying to stay positive and not to get burned out. I know the success that I long for will ultimately come.... I can't lie -- it's HARD and grueling process, but I've dedicated myself to doing it. I just have to get back up and keep trudging along. Please just keep me in your prayers and the encouragement coming! I feed from it!

I Never Thought

I never thought in a million years that people would ever think of me as an inspiration or motivational. I have never really done anything with my life that warranted such high thoughts and admiration. And even now, people keep telling me all this and it's hard for me to grasp. I'm just living my life, trying to save it, and sharing my journey with others.

I Did It!

That's right -- today was race day -- and I DID IT!!! I will be the first to admit that it was rough. The wrong way me and Jessica went the other week was completely different than the actual course, even though it was just one street over. How crazy is that!? So what I thought was going to be flat was actually uphill, and that was right at the beginning of the course. It was a challenging course, but I actually did it 10 minutes quicker than 2 weeks ago and walked about 1/2 mile longer! I finished in about 70 minutes -- key word being FINISHED!! I am so excited to know that I actually have this 5k under my belt now. I started to get emotional right before the race began and then again as I approached the finish line. I'll admit that there were times that I thought in my head, "I'm last, what's the point?" or "I can't do this anymore." and "Let's just cut through here; no one will know I didn't complete the whole course." But I couldn't do it. I couldn't stop. I couldn't cut out part of the course. There WAS a point to me doing this race. This was MORE than just a race or another day of walking for me -- this was a public declaration that "Yes, I'm obese, but I'm doing something to change it!"

My real disappointment with today's race was with the race organizers. They did not wait for the last person to finish the race (me). They had already taken down the timing system and started the awards ceremony by the time I got to the finish line. What makes it even worse is that, when I looked at the results online, the last recorded person to finish was only like 5 minutes ahead of me -- 5 minutes!! And I know they knew I was still out there...the cops followed us like the whole way! So, I don't really know what my exact time was and my name won't be in the official results....which is a little disheartening. My timing and this race meant just as much to me, if not more, as the first person to cross the finish line. I just have to remember that "Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome." (Booker T. Washington) I had to overcome alot of obstacles to even participate in this race. Even though I finished last, I finished and ultimately that's what matters!

Race Logo

My Race #

the course

shirts they gave us (this is an XL! -- didn't fit, but I got it on ;))

Best Friends! No Excuses! -- before the race
without these 2, there's NO WAY  I could have done this race today!

Leah doing her thing

  

Go Leah! -- she finished in 45min which was her goal.

...here I come...

Let's do this!

Hard Work! Dedication! -- after the race

Thank you to Jessica, Leah, and EVERYONE who has supported me along this journey so far. You will never know how much your encouragement and reinforcement mean to me and my success. I did measure again last night (I do this about every 4-6 weeks) and since September 11th I have lost 24 inches!! :) Please continue to push me as I have a long ways to go still.

...also, thank you to everyone who prayed for today. We kept an eye on the hourly forecast constantly since yesterday and were really worried that it would be storming. God saw fit to hold the rain off until we were done with the race! Thank you, Lord! †

It's almost here...

The day is fast approaching...Saturday is almost here. For everyone else it might just be another ordinary Saturday...lounging around the house, chillin' with friends/family, maybe doing some housework....but no relaxation for me -- it's my first 5k! I'm ready for it to be here. I've got knots in my stomach, but I'm so excited! Some people might just say, "oh, it's just a race -- 3 miles" but it's MORE than that for me. This is a goal I made for myself when I first started my journey. For me to finish this race symbolizes so much more. Every mile -- every inch -- of this walk represents a time I ate a 2k calorie dessert by myself, didn't stop eating when I was full - ate whatever I wanted, didn't exercise, just plain didn't care about myself or the people that care about me. Crossing that finish line on Saturday will smash all past failures from my weight-loss journey. So pray for me on Saturday. This is not just a physical accomplishment for me, but an emotional one too. I'm ready to do this...

Past Inspiration

I was looking through some of my older posts tonight and found some quotes from a Mary Kay retreat I attended over 2 years ago that can completely go along with my weight-loss journey.

*Your mind knows no differently that what you feed it.*

*Once you have a decided heart, you can achieve anything!*

*Indecision limits the Almighty.*

*God has given you a 2nd chance, are you going to take it??*

It's hard sometimes to keep my mind focused on what I need to be eating versus what I want to be eating. If I continue to feed my mind and body what I want, I'll stay the way I am. I just have to remember my ultimate goal and keep going full force....because the 2nd quote is completely true! You can achieve anything if you make up your mind to do it. Yeah, I'll make mistakes and fall down, but will I stay down? NO! That means I'm indecisive and not really committed. How can we expect God to work in our lives if we can't make up our minds on what we want, or what we're willing to do?!? Sometimes we have to work for our blessings and God can't bless us if we're not working toward our goals. With that being said, are YOU going to take your 2nd chance and RUN with it?! No one will fight for your dreams/goals like you will!

*Hard work! Dedication! No excuses!*

It's ALL Me.

I said this when I was kicking my journey into gear back in August..."I'm not who I wanna be and the only thing standing in the way is me." I found this picture on Pinterest last night and it really sums it up!

It's all me. I'm the one that put the food in my mouth -- no one held a gun to my head or threatened me to eat the food that I ate. But I'm also the person that has decided enough is enough. I'm still the one that makes the decision on what goes food goes into my body. I'm the one working to be "slim" and healthy. No one can do it for me. I do thank God for the people behind me pushing me along the way when I start to lag. He knows my willpower needs a boost from time to time, but I CAN AND WILL DO THIS!!!

One Week!

Not long after I started on this weight-loss journey, I made a goal -- to walk a 5K. Well, next Saturday is the day!!! :) I researched and researched all the races that are going on this month and next and finally decided on the Greenville News Run Downtown. I absolutely love downtown Greenville, so I thought this would be the perfect first race for me. I started getting nervous every time I looked at the website and when it came time to register. I was intimidated by the thought that I was actually going to commit to this thing and afraid that I might not be able to complete it. But I did it! I finally registered a couple of weeks ago and I am so excited now! There is still some nervousness as race day approaches, but I know I can do it. I have been walking with Leah a few times a week and went this past Sunday over to Greenville and walked the course with Jessica. I wanted/needed to see what the course was like and we took our time -- we completed it with a little modification after we took a wrong turn and almost ended up in the ghetto! LOL :) I'm sure my nerves will continue to build this week but I can't wait until Saturday. I want to prove to the WORLD and myself that I'm in this for the long haul and I CAN do this!! This is more than just a 5K -- this is a stepping stone in saving my life.

I don't care how much power, brilliance or energy you have, if you don't harness it and focus it on a specific target, and hold it there you are never going to accomplish as much as your ability warrants.

*Zig Ziglar*

Not So Good

...just so you know I'm human -- today was not such a great day!  I had the munchies and did not do so well in controlling them. :( I didn't go overboard, but I also didn't stop myself and it put me over my calorie goal for the day. In my mind I want to say "I've Zumba'd twice this week and burned all those calories, I deserve a day to snack" but I KNOW that's not right. It doesn't help me toward my ultimate goal of weight-loss and healthy living! I feel bad about indulging myself today, but I know that it's going to happen. I'm going to have "munchie" days...days that I choose the cheeseburger over grilled chicken...days that I drink a regular Pepsi instead of diet or water. The thing I have to remember is that: "It's all right letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back" (Mick Jagger). Don't let days like this turn into weeks like this. Realize that it happened, just stand back up, dust myself off, and start back on my journey again! I can't let it consume me.

10 Days

I have a new found love in my exercise routine....ZUMBA! I've seen the infomercials on TV and all these people talk about it, but never thought I'd really be able to do it. Well, last week, my walking buddy - Leah - bought Zumba for the Wii. OMG -- it is so much fun!!! Monday last week, we played Just Dance 3 because it was too cold outside. Tuesday is when she got the Zumba game and we did 20 minutes that night. Let me just tell you - it's not a difficult as I thought it would be and it is so much fun! I burned as many calories in that 20 minutes of dancing as I do in 45 minutes of walking! Thursday we did walk 2 miles but Friday we picked Zumba right back up!

Sunday, I met my accountability partner, Jessica, in Greenville to do a trial "run" through of the 5k I'm doing on the 21st....YES, you read that right -- I am walking a 5k (3.1 miles)! I took a map so I could see exactly where the course was and what it was going to be like. We ended up turning the wrong way and almost ended up in the ghetto of downtown Greenville! :-o ...anyway, It's going to be tough, but I know I can do it. I am determined to do it! Leah and Jessica are both going to do it with me. Leah is going to run/walk it though. I am so excited about it -- I can't wait! :) My sister is even going to make up shirts for us (she works at a trophy shop where they do some t-shirt work). It'll look something like this...

(the small part up top will be on the front, the other will be on the back)

Now back to my workouts...I was pretty sore on Monday. I expected it though. HOWEVER, I still ended up going to an actual Zumba class with Leah that was 45 MINUTES long! Oh yeah, my feet hurt pretty bad and I sweat up a storm -- but it was so much fun! I took last night off but met back up with Leah tonight to do another Zumba workout on the Wii. This time we did the mid-length class that was [again] 45 minutes long. Between both of those classes, I have burned over 2500 calories already this week...not including my 3 mile walk on Sunday...how crazy is that!?! It is so much fun that you don't really realize you're working out!

Well, it is my bedtime....can't wait to share more of my journey with you later! :) g'nite folks!!!

New Direction

Here's a song that can apply to your spiritual journey AND your weight-loss journey...a song called "New Direction" by a group called New Direction :)

I'm headed in a new direction.

I've been that way, I'm going the other way

I'm headed in a new direction

I don't wanna go the same 'ole way

I'm headed in a new direction

I've been that way, I'm going the other way

I'm headed in a new direction

I don't wanna go the same 'ole way

Lord, I wanna have a closer walk with thee

So that I can live, live eternally

Life without you, Lord, nothing seems to change

But life in you, eternally I will gain!

To Get Where I'm Going...

I want to share a little bit of what I've been doing to get where I am now and to where I'm going on my journey to health....

The biggest thing that I do is counting my calories. I use My Fitness Pal to keep track of everything and I love it! I have it bookmarked on my computer, on my iPod touch, and on my phone!! I am constantly looking up the nutritional values of food when I go out to eat and at home. You'd be surprised at how many calories and fat are in a simple burger and fries! I also look at the sodium values due to my blood pressure. Keeping track of all this really keeps my food consumption, including snacks, in check. I can also keep track of my exercise on MFP as well. There is a database of exercises that you can choose from or you can enter your own based on whatever method you use (machine, iPod, website, etc) -- the same goes with foods too. You set up a profile and it will help you figure out your fitness and nutritional goals and your "diet" profile. There is a huge community of people that you can interact with, join groups that interest you, talk in forums about ideas, goals, and issues -- it's a great support tool!

My other two keys to success are my accountability partners and my walking/workout buddies -- Jessica and Leah. Without their support, there is no way I would be as successful. When you go for a goal by yourself, you see all the ways you can't do it -- you see the BIG forest that you don't think you'll ever be able to get through. But when you have someone behind you, beside you, pushing you, encouraging you -- you can begin to see the forest tree for tree and realize that you just have to make it from one to another. And once you make it so far, you look behind you and see all the trees that you've passed along the way and realize it wasn't so bad after all! So I encourage you, if you're going on a weight loss journey -- take someone with you! You don't necessarily have to have the same goals, but you can push each other toward them! If you can't find anybody, let me know -- I'll be GLAD to help you and be an accountability partner!

My [New] Story

I can't even begin to tell you my WHOLE story, so let me just give you a few details and start from the past year. I have been fat all my life....from elementary school all through my adult life. I would think from time to time that I need to lose weight and would start to diet. But within weeks I was back to my old habits and going about my life. I hate to say it, but I was "content" with being fat....that's how I'd always been and I'd come to the realization that I was always going to be that way. WRONG!!! Last year, I went to the doctor for a regular check-up and my blood pressure was SKY HIGH. I knew in the back of my mind that it could always be a possibility because my mom has it but when the doctor told me what the reading was, I completely broke down. She referred me to a cardiologist to have it checked out....that was just as scary! Well, I went to the cardiologist and he did a complete blood panel and an EKG. Everything was fine with my heart and cholesterol. I just had the high blood pressure. I thank God that it wasn't worse -- at my weight, I'm surprised (and blessed!) I don't have a million other things wrong with me! Anyway, my cardiologist bluntly told me that if things didn't change, I would die very early. MAN what a wake-up call! I knew my life had to change....my eating habits, my activity level, my thoughts about food -- ALL of it!!

I was at Thirty-One Conference with some friends that I went to college with [we all reunited over 31!] back in July. I had never really shared my story with anyone or what the doctors were telling me....but at conference, one of the girls I was with - Jessica - and I had a "gettin nekid" conversation about it ALL!! I poured it all out to her and she shared some concerns and thoughts that she had about me during college and even now. Needless to say, we are now closer than ever! She has helped me to get going -- and stay on -- my journey to health and fitness. She is my accountability partner and helps me to set my short-term and long-term goals. Honestly, without Jessica, I would have probably given up a long time ago!!

I started my journey FULL FORCE on 9/11/2011 and so far have lost a total of 20.5 inches and my blood pressure is considerable lower! I still have a long ways to go and this is more than just a "diet". This is a complete lifestyle change and I want to include you all on this journey. I want to blog about my thoughts, foods, activities, and goals. My ultimate goal in doing this is to continue to keep myself accountable and to hopefully inspire others that IF I CAN DO THIS, SO CAN YOU!!!

I'M BAAAACK!!

You read it right, I'm back and ready to jump this blog off again! I am so excited to tell you all about my new journey and what is going on in my life. So stay tuned.....