Where has it gone?

My recent milestone of 35 inches lost has really gotten me thinking. I think about the fact that I've made so much progress and haven't given up. I've thought about it many times, but never gave in. That's a success in itself as well! I think about the different things that I can do now because of my progress. I think about how BIG of a number 35 really is and wonder -- where WERE all those inches?!? Let me just explain my inches lost to you. Over the past 7 months, I have lost 3.75in from my arms, 9in from my thighs, 4in from my shoulders, 10.25in from my waist, and 8in from my hips. HOLY COW!! Okay, with all that said, where did I put it all?! Where has it gone?! How much weight does that equal?! It's crazy to think about it all. I sometimes wonder if it's real. Like, have I really lost all those inches? I haven't HAD to buy new clothes yet. Some of my clothes are falling off me, but some of them still fit. Am I imagining it all? I know I'm not because I can feel the difference. It's just all so overwhelming to think about sometimes. All this has been running through my head over the past 2 weeks since I last measured. I am just so excited and ready to take it on! I can't even begin to tell you the difference in my life this journey has made. I am so blessed in many ways. I can't wait to see what the next 7 months have in store!

Milestone

I never though I would be at a point in my life where I looked in the mirror and thought "Dang, I look good." But that happened to my Saturday morning. I know I had a mini-revelation a couple of weeks ago at Zumba, but this was different. I was up early getting ready for a Thirty-One meeting and lunch with Jessica. I decided I wanted to look "cute" and did my makeup. I went in the bathroom to start doing my hair and as I was standing there, I just looked at myself....and that exactly thought popped in my head - Dang, I look good! I have never done that! It really hit me that I have come a LONG way in the past 7 months. And, after my struggles over the past month, I needed this moment! This was a renewal in my self-confidence and the extra boost that I can still do this and I AM making progress.

All this being said, Friday was my day to measure and I think what initiated the renewal. I was really nervous about measure Friday because of all the damage I thought I'd done lately. Well, I sucked it up and did it. And when I first started to compare last month to this month, I freaked because my waist and hips showed a gain...of like 3-4 inches! I knew that couldn't be even after all I did. So I remeasured and I was pleased. It turned out to be 0! And while I didn't lose any in my waist and hips, I did manage to still lose 3.75 inches from my arms, shoulders, and thighs!! That was HUGE for me! :) I was so excited. Again, such a renewal in my confidence and showed me that I am making progress.

One Day at a Time

Those of you that read my blog know the struggles I posted about on Monday night. Let me just say I am so eternally grateful for all the support you've given me! I know that, in light of my issues, I still have people around me that are concerned and want to see me succeed. I talked to one of those people on the phone last night -- Jessica (my BFF & accountability partner). I knew that she would be able to help me get my head and heart back in the "game". After all, it was a conversation with HER 9 months ago that helped kick my butt into gear and start this journey for real! Being able to talk to her just helped me to refocus my energy and figure out where all this is coming from. I still haven't really figured it out, but I'm taking it one step at a time...one day at a time!

Today was a success. Yes, I went over on my calories, but I didn't feel guilty about it. It wasn't because I over-indulged  or over-ate. Supper wasn't the best choice, but it was okay. My biggest accomplishment today was not eating all the snacks/junk I normally do. It's embarrassing to say, but today is the first day in a while that my snacking calories didn't exceed any of my meal calories. I didn't even have a snack until after lunch today, and then it was pretzels with this new individual chocolate cream cheese cups that I found! Delish! Some of you may not think that's much of an accomplishment, but to me it's HUGE! I had a great workout at Zumba tonight and I'm ready to tackle another day! Right now that's what I have to focus on -- one day at a time. If I look too far ahead, I know I'll get overwhelmed again and go right back to where I was. I can't afford that.


I found these quotes on Jesse Duplantis's Facebook today:

Don't allow the world's ideas to rob you of your self-confidence. The world doesn't know you like your Creator knows you.

The devil is destined to lose and you are anointed to win. Praise God!

Don't give up on yourself...God hasn't.

That last one really got to me. God has faith in me, I just have to realize that and start putting one foot in front of the other again. He is here beside me cheering me on. He is whispering in my ear, "You CAN do this!" I cannot give up! I have too much to fight for. I can't afford to die! I want to LIVE! I'm not out of the woods yet. I still have issues to deal with, but I'm in a better mindset than I have been. I know I will make it through this -- one day at a time...

Willpower

Willpower: energetic determination; the ability to control yourself; strong determination that allows you to do something difficult.

I am going to do my best to be completely honest here, so please bear with me. This is very difficult for me to do, but I have to do something because what I've been doing just isn't working!

I have had a complete LACK of willpower lately. I can't seem to stop myself from doing (eating) things I know I shouldn't. I have gone over on my calories almost every day for probably the past 2 weeks or more -- whether it be from drinks, desserts, or just plain excess food. I realize my overage in calories and tell myself it won't happen again. But it does....day after day after day. I keep telling myself everything is okay and I'll get through this, but the doubts remain. Can I really conquer my willpower issue?? Can I really keep going?? These are the same issues I've faced my entire life and the issues that have kept me at such a heavy weight. I keep telling myself this is the last day; but then I have to finish what's in the house 'cause we bought it; I can't let the money we spent go to waste. BUT THAT'S THE PROBLEM...we bought it! I knew I should have left it on the shelf. I knew I didn't have the willpower to "ration" it out. I knew I couldn't resist the temptation at this point in the game. Why do I consistently do this to myself. I sabotage all the good work and progress I've made so far. Now I feel like I have to start over again. I don't know if I have the determination to do it. I have set my food diary to private because I've been too ashamed to share it with anyone anymore....

I have had a front up and have not been honest with myself, or anyone else really. Like I said, I keep telling myself and blogging that everything is okay. "I've struggled but I'm back on track." Fact is, that's a lie. I'm not okay....everything is NOT okay! How can I be the "inspiration" and "motivation" everyone tells me I am if I continue on like this. This is not who I want to be! Truth is, I know what I need to do -- what I HAVE to do...it's just finding the courage and taking the step to actually do it. I know tonight's blog is part of that step. I have to quit acting like everything is hunky-dory when it's not. I can't get anywhere or accomplish anything by doing that. I have to find my motivation again. I have to realize whole-heartedly again why I'm on this journey. I've lost sight of it all....

Please pray I regain my sight, willpower, and determination.

Blessed

In the midst of trials, it's remarkable how God works and reminds you that you are STILL blessed and highly favored. Some times you hear it directly from Him, or you hear it through a friend's encouraging word, or through a song. I've had it ALL this week. Leah reminded me of His faithfulness in a text and today I was listening to my iPod and I heard a song that I haven't heard in a long time by the Crabb Family. The first and last line (song title) of the chorus just stuck out to me: "In the midst of the storm, He spoke 'Peace be still' and the winds lay at His feet. / When you've done all you can, remember Jesus can do all that you can't." Then I hear God's voice whisper - "I can do it!" It doesn't matter how deep or dark the valley seems to be, God still has control. He won't give you more than you can bear WITHOUT a way of escape! It doesn't matter how many times I fail him, His love is limitless and unconditional. His grace and mercy are unwavering. He never ceases to amaze me!

I am also blessed by the people and opportunities God has placed in my life. It's not coincidence, it's divine intervention! God knew years ago what I would need today. He knew the journey I would be on and the support "staff" that I would need. He took certain situations and made friendships. He put people in my path that I might not have chosen for myself. Had it not been for people I met 10+ years ago, I would not have the push and foundation I need for the journey I am on today. I am thankful for where I am today. I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but I know I'll get there. God has me in the palm of His hand and will continue provide where I need him to; I have no doubt in that whatsoever!