Wednesday, March 28, 2012

If You Only Knew...

I will admit sincerely that the past couple of days have been rough for me spiritually and emotionally. I have felt like I'm missing out, like I don't belong, like I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going. This has spilled over into my eating as I haven't really paid attention to what I've been eating and basically eating what I want without caring. But you know what.....that's OVER! God never ceases to amaze me and has spoken to me in the midst of my storm. I'm not out of it yet, but instead of hanging my head saying "woe is me," I will take this day as a day the LORD has given me and REJOICE in it!

Music is a passion of mine and I love the way God speaks to me through songs. There have been 3 songs that have spoken to me over the last few days. One I posted Monday - Broken. Another is a brand new song by Mark Condon -- Cover Me. The other is one I have heard countless times before and it really spoke to me. I can't let the devil keep taking what belongs to me! My joy and my peace - I want it ALL back!

I want it all back.

You may have thought you won that last round. You may have laughed. I almost fell down. Maybe you think I give up easy. But it's not over, I got more in me. You thought I stopped. You thought I sat down. But I am standin'! You made me mad now! You got some things I think you owe me. I've come to get back everything that you stole.

I want it all back.

You hit me hard. I should be knocked out. Things I've been through - don't even wanna talk about. You crossed the line. You violated me. I want revenge. I want everything back from A to Z. The battle's not mine. The battle is the Lord's. In the name of JESUS, I'm takin' it by force!

I want it all back!

If you only knew what I was gonna be after the storm you wouldn't have even bothered me!

And now I'm STRONGER. And I got more POWER. I'm a little bit WISER. And I for more STRENGTH. I for the ANOINTING. God God's FAVOR. And we're still STANDING

I want it all back!

I'm telling you -- God spoke to me in this song. I can't let the devil take what God has given me. I can't give him my joy, my success, my determination! I'm taking it ALL back and running full force into God's arms! The part I like best is: "Devil, if you only knew what I was gonna be after the storm you wouldn't have even bothered me!"

Through this whole thing, like I said it has affected my weight-loss determination. I still did my Zumba, but I didn't have the will-power to stay away from the "bad" foods. Without God as my focus, I lost focus! I didn't see my success. I just saw the road ahead and became discouraged. Now my mind is back where it needs to be and I am read to RUN! I'm ready to do something about it. I'm ready to do something that takes this journey to the next level. Pray for that if you will. I have an idea in my head, but I'm not sure how receptive an idea it is.

When I went to Zumba Monday, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I didn't look long because I've never liked looking at myself (full-body) in the mirror. I thought something though. I thought -- I can really tell I'm losing weight. I didn't dwell on it much because, at that point, I was still doubting and going through my "battle." But tonight -- I took a second look. I really looked at my full-body in the mirror. Staring back was someone I never thought I would see. I saw a "skinnier" version of ME! I saw someone that likes to exercise. Someone that cares about herself enough to start a journey that she has failed at many times before. And you know what -- I LIKED IT! I really can tell I'm losing weight. I can see the difference...but more importantly, I can FEEL the difference! I know I still have a LONG way to go, but I see the obstacles I've already overcome and I know I can do more!

Monday, March 26, 2012


I found this song on YouTube last night and it has ministered to my heart so much.  

He'll do it again, just like before.
He'll heal your broken heart.
Your life he can restore.
He'll do it again, 'cause he's your best friend.
He'll never let you down.

Lord, I am broken.
My life is in pieces, but
Your strength is perfect in all of my weakness.
I know I'm broken, but You can heal me.

Jesus! Jesus!
I'm calling You.

Sunday, March 25, 2012


I'm not exactly sure what to write tonight because I'm not even really sure what/how I'm feeling right now. I am just kinda in a "funk" mentally, emotionally, spiritually. It's almost like I have a million things running around in my head and heart and I can't pinpoint what they really are. All I know is that I don't like feeling this way. I can't be productive feeling this way. I know God can help me through this. I ask tonight for your supportive prayers.

I am blessed to have friends and the TRUE friendships that I have. I also appreciate every one of you that reads this blog and prays for me (not just tonight, but anytime) -- God knows each of you and I pray he blesses you wherever you are. Thank you for your continued support!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Good News

I haven't had much time to post this past week. I've been busy getting adapted to my new job (that I LOVE!). And this week we're in revival at church, so I'm trying to balance church and getting my exercise in, with the new job and errands and appointments and.....well, you get the picture! :) Anyway, I just wanted to give an "official" update that I have lost another 3.5 inches!! That brings my total to 31.25 inches over a period of six months. This all came together with an appt today with my cardiologist. I get there and they have me "hop up" on the bed -- THEN go to take my blood pressure. Aye! The nurse tries one arm...BP won't take. Moves to the other arm....still won't take. I'm thinking to myself - "Great, it's gonna be sky HIGH by the time she gets a reading." So she changes cuffs (to the regular sized) and gets it...130/82!!! Praise the Lord! I was so excited. I'm sure that might still sound "high" to some of you, but it WAS running 190/100! This is a major feat! They do my EKG and then say "the dr will be with you in a minute" -- you know how that goes. Well, he finally comes in and is continues with my exam. He asks how I am doing and I explain to him the past 6 months of change that I have been going through. Needless to say, he is very happy with my blood pressure, EKG, my weight loss, and my activity level! So much so that he doesn't want to see me back for 6 months - as opposed to the every 2 months it has been!! He even mentioned taking me off some of my medication for next time based on my progress! I'm telling you...I was so excited just to go to my appt and tell him what has been happening, much less hear those words actually come out of his mouth! :) That is one of my goals in the weight-loss journey of mine. Another one is to actually be able to be weighed when I go in for a dr's appointment. That didn't happen today, but IT WILL!! A very dear friend of mine posted this on my FB wall when I mentioned the success at my dr's appt today --
Hard work...Determination...Victory!!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012



As I was on my way home from Zumba tonight, I really started thinking about my journey over the past 6 months. First off, I can't believe it's actually been that long -- it has been amazing! I see a change and difference in myself that I never really thought I would ever see or feel. I have started countless diets and exercised, but I always quit. Habits are hard to make and break, and up until now I didn't think it was possible to change them....but I HAVE! I am no where near where I want to be and some habits are still hard to break...but I'm working on it. This is more than just diet and exercise -- this is my LIFE now. Healthy foods are in the forefront of my mind and exercise is like second nature to me now. I can't even tell you how bad I feel when I miss a workout/Zumba. As much as it "hurts" to exercise sometimes, it hurts worse knowing that if my life doesn't change I won't be ABLE to exercise.

Like I said, I am no where near where I want to be in my life (all aspects), but I can most certainly see the progress. I can actually see where I've lost the inches. I can feel a difference in my body. I can feel my stamina building. When I first started doing Zumba, I'll admit - I was scared. I knew my overweight self wouldn't be able to keep up with all the "little" bodies in class...but I did it anyway. I kept going and kept going...and NOW, I can double time with [most] the best of them! When I started walking, I got winded and needed to stop just walking a mile. NOW, I can do two miles without needing a "break." Heck, I even completed a 5k...and plan on doing another one soon! I'm not the best dancer or the fastest walker, but I'm proud of what I can do now. I can honestly say that I am excited to go back to the cardiologist and tell him what all has happened in the past 6 months! :) I am blessed beyond measure, and am excited to see what I'll do next...

Sunday, March 11, 2012

God's Blessing

You know, I look back at all the happenings in my life since high school and I can see God's hand in all of it. What I thought was the "love" of my life since HS loving someone else who became my best friend....hating Erskine during Business School to getting a full ride....losing all my scholarships, but still providing the funds for me to stay at there....being in Spanish classes with upperclassmen who became my closest friends....a caring gynecologist who referred me to a point-blank cardiologist....a pregnant friend that pushed through a 5k with me....being unemployed for over a year and allowing me to help care for my premature me a job that I ended up dreading going in to but giving me friendships that will last outside of that place.....friendships that lead to new opportunities....a new job that will lead to GREATER possibilities and blessings....

I'm just being honest with you -- had it not been for God allowing/providing specific events in my life, I would not be where I am today with the friends that keep me going. I cannot even begin to express my many thanks to God for his bountiful blessings in my life over the past few months and even years. I thank God for my experiences at my previous job(s) -- both good and bad. I have learned from them and grown into who I am today. I thank God for my college experience and education. It led me to one of my most faithful friends! I thank God for Thirty-One. It has renewed friendships, provided new experiences, and rewarding opportunities. And, as strange as it may seem, I thank God for annual check-ups and high-blood pressure. God has used doctor appointments to open my eyes and jump start me on a journey that I know I should have started a LONG time ago. God has completely changed my life over the past year especially. I cannot wait to see what the next year holds!

Sunday, March 4, 2012

God Still Works

As most of you know, I am pretty unhappy in the job where I currently work. Well, let me just tell you that God still works in His own timing. I was presented with a job opportunity this week that I was totally not expecting! It all happened VERY quickly. I found out about the job and filled out my application/sent my resume on Tuesday. I was supposed to have an interview Wednesday but it got pushed to Friday at 4pm. By 5:15 Friday afternoon, I knew I had the job! You can't tell me that God isn't faithful!! I am so completely thrilled to be getting out of a drama-filled workplace where I wasn't even being used to my full potential and into a job that is more along the lines of what I went to school for. I will completely miss the people I worked with. Those that know me, and really care, know that I really need to do this. I mean, when someone says "I have noticed lately that you haven't been smiling much. Hope you get your smile back." -- that's a pretty good indicator that something's not right. It was time for a change and it came at the perfect time. I thank God for this opportunity and pray I do Him honor and that He is able to use me in this new environment. Oh! and I start tomorrow (Monday)!

Thursday, March 1, 2012


Man, let me just tell you -- my body has been throwing me some curve balls here lately. I cannot even begin to tell you how badly my neck and shoulders are bothering me. I'm pretty sure it's probably just stress from work, but they are so tight it's crazy! It has been so bad that I literally cannot stand it. I have not slept well for about the past week. I have been dreaming about people that I haven't seen in forever! Not usually a bad thing, but it has consumed my sleep so much that it has not been restful. Last night, I finally could not take it anymore so I took some meds and had my mom put some Bengay on my neck and shoulders. That was the first night that I have slept anywhere near peacefully. I don't think I moved until about 6am this morning.

Now, you wanna hear something crazy? ....I have also felt the most AMAZING this week! I know -- how bizarre, right?! I went to Zumba Monday and last night and I felt like those were the BEST workouts I have had in -- well, ever! I felt incredible leaving Inspire 4 Life Fitness this week. I don't know what it is...I have been going for almost 2 months now and I've felt the burn and worked my heart out...I just can't explain it. It's mind-boggling the difference Zumba and exercise have made in my life. There is so much more substance in my life and I have so much more to look forward to.

I know I do this all the time, but I really have to thank the people that have a part in my journey! Each one of you that post comments here on my blog or Facebook -- you will never know how much your encouragement and support truly mean to me. I thrive on it! My accountability partners - Leah and Jessica - have been incredible. Now, I can add Laurie to my list of important people. She is my Zumba instructor and she is wonderful! Thank you, Laurie, for your dedication to wellness and supporting people like me that aren't in the best of shape! You have made a real impact on me.

For those of you that say -- I don't feel like working out....JUST DO IT!! I feel worse when I don't work out than when I do. I basically just explained that to you! There is so much more to it than just "working out" or "exercising." There is such a feeling of accomplishment that comes out of walking for 20 minutes or going to a Zumba class. You don't have to be the best, but you'll never be anything if you don't at least TRY!

I AM A CHRISTIAN. I love the Lord with all my heart, soul, & mind. God has really blessed me more than I could ever imagine, but the truth is that Satan HATES me!! I face struggles & temptation every single day of my life; but no matter what happens, I still strive to do the will of God. Because I put my faith & trust in God, He has provided relief for me & my family time & time again! God never fails to comfort & remind me of His promise that “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). There have been countless times that I did not deserve God’s grace & should not have been granted mercy. But He has granted me mercy & forgiveness, as well as goodness & grace -- all for the purpose of sharing it with those I meet along the path of life. Some days are better than others, but you always have to remember to keep pressing on! Keep praising HIM & He’ll never fail to bring you through the storm.